Painkiller Enthusiast T-Shirts

"I'd kill for 500 milligrams of naproxen."

"Our psychopharmacologist is a genius."

"Look on the bright side – the Rogaine worked!"

'It's a beautiful lighthouse. However, hauling the batteries up the stairs has taken its toll on my back.'

"I understand they've uncovered some weird new side effects since you were here last."

These Sales Reps get more aggressive every year.

'...the side effects of this designer drug are more beneficial than it's intended use!'

"We've managed to cut down the 16 pills you're taking to just one!"

August, 1897 - Arthur Eichengrun invents aspirin.

The start of a clinical drug trial. Your honor, we will prove beyond a reasonable doubt this pill is both safe and effective.

"36% of our focus group suffered from the side effects, while 14% enjoyed them."

Meds Toast

Maintenance & Repairs. No wonder health care is so expensive, they told me to take to tablets every four hours.

'Your tooth still sensitive to hot liquids my dear?'

'I've got an appointment with Mr. Payne.' - 'He'll see you now.' - 'Okay, take a deep br-' - 'Gah!' - 'Great, now turn ov-' - 'Argh!' - 'And a final tw-' - 'Mummy!' - '*Sob*' - 'Okay, all done.' - 'Did you, by any chance...' - '...hear you crying...'

'Here are our hot new drugs for fall.'

'Someone's here who'd like you to spend 30 days on an island with 1,000 doctors and some pain pills.'

'First Rogaine, now Viagra'

"I don't prescribe opioids, but feel free to grab a CBD-laced lollipop on your way out."

"I suggest you take these pills on an empty stomach."

Slept on the plane and now in horrible pain?

'That's Saint Throbbold. Patron saint of migraine.'

'North Korea and Iran want nukes... Palestinians elect Hamas... and now a commercial from a leading anti-anxiety medication....'

"The sleeping pills take time to work. Don't expect results overnight."

"So I guess this probably counts as an adverse event."

"Of course, I would suggest a shot of novacaine."

"Can we cut down his tranquilisers please?"

"Numb yet?"

You take'm through the nose, you pay through the nose.

"Would you like to supersize that?"

'It's Mrs Yomp - she can't remember if she should take the aspirin first and call you in the morning, or call you first, then take the aspirin...'

"This pill is the only thing that will cure you. The good news is that it's up to you whether or not you take it orally."

"Just call me...Mr. Saturday Night!"

'I have stomach cramps.' - 'Oh.' - 'It feels like a cat raking its claws down the inside of my stomach.' - 'Oh.' - 'Raking in a good way or a bad way?' -

Standup Pharmacist