Pain Philosopher T-Shirts

'Actually, the pain is just nature's way of keeping you humble.'

Fakir being hurt by acupuncture.

'The pain is just nature's way of keeping score.'

'...and now, Gentlemen, we come to our final lecture in advanced cardiology...'

"Day 4,261... I don’t know how much longer I can survive. Still no signs of civilization. Food is scarce and I fear the wound on my ankle is infected. Still, all this pales in comparison to the horror of having to be anywhere at any particular time."

"Then one day, as I caught a tennis ball in midair, I asked myself, 'Is this all there is?'"

A Footnote - Self Portrait of Beardsley, Bound to the God of Nature

'Where's the elephant cemetery? It's a secret, and anyway, you'd be the last person I'd tell!'

"We can give you enough medication to alleviate the pain, but not enough to make it fun."

"They're very time-sensitive."

'Any chance of me being recycled Doc?'

"Ah, the waiter ... And I was beginning to wonder if we really existed!"

"Let's text her, she'd like that."

"Sure, my dad and my granddad and my granddad's dad were all domesticated. But that doesn't mean I have to be."

"Look on the dark side."

'I have this constant ringing in my ears. I think I have tinnitus.' - 'Does it sound like an 'eeeeeee' or a 'shhhhh'?' - 'It's like the murmer of a thousand forgotten souls quietly lamenting past sorrows.' - 'Hmmm. I don't have a checkbox for that, sadly.

If a tree falls on a philosopher in the woods, and no one is there to hear his screams for help, did he really make a sound?

Cemetery with graves engraved 'traditional medicine' and 'alternative medicine'.

'He was a shooting star, passing through the firmament. Lighting up our dull lives with his all too brief presence.' 'I think we're at the wrong funeral.'

Instant Gratification service desk (with a long queue and delay)

"When I die, I want to come back at anything except a book of short stories."

'How optimistic are you about the future?'

God is a spider.

Cycles of evolution and destruction

Musings of a Marooned Mountain Man

'When did the world get into such a big hurry?'

"I could never leave this place—this is where I grew up."

"So much for that publicity stunt."

A snake eats evolving animals.

Waiting For Godot And The Cable Guy

"I was an incurable romantic until I met Martha's divorce lawyer."

'Early life his its first thought...' 'There must be more to life than this.'

A man seeking wisdom from a bee at the top of a mountain

"What, may I ask, does landscape have to do with gender?"

'Looks like he'd been watching the kettle boil... Poor fool.'