Pain-free Warrior Mugs

"It stopped hurting and you didn't even have to do anything."

How Nature Senses a Change in the Weather

Lumbar support animal

'It's a beautiful lighthouse. However, hauling the batteries up the stairs has taken its toll on my back.'

'That stuff kills 98% of household germs, but leaves the remaining 2% limping around enough to maintain your resistance.'

"...and you've got private use of it, so long as you don't exceed 10,000 mile per annum.'

"Well, the first thing we're going to do is loosen those suspenders!"

'I've got an appointment with Mr. Payne.' - 'He'll see you now.' - 'Okay, take a deep br-' - 'Gah!' - 'Great, now turn ov-' - 'Argh!' - 'And a final tw-' - 'Mummy!' - '*Sob*' - 'Okay, all done.' - 'Did you, by any chance...' - '...hear you crying...'

The Jerck Manual

Organic farm

"She's in her happy place again."

"Too hard?"

'The good news is that I managed to install the wind turbine...'

'Worry kills more people than work.'

"Look at it this way -- in three years your roof could leak."

"That's what I like about you Smedley - you're not afraid to show fear!"

Shuffle Zone. Please shuffle and create static electricity to power our city.

The Nine Circles of Heaven

"Well, you've fianlly done it! No more rainforest left!"

Karate School.

'Stupid global warming!'

'Exactly which school of acupuncture are you from?'

'I have stomach cramps.' - 'Oh.' - 'It feels like a cat raking its claws down the inside of my stomach.' - 'Oh.' - 'Raking in a good way or a bad way?' -

"Dad, Dad, the termites have found our food stash!"

"I've reduced our carbon footprint and replaced all our bulbs with energy efficient low wattage ones."

"Did you remember to take the trash in?"

"Argh! It's going to rain! My arthritis!"

'I'm not sure we should get rid of your cellulite -- it may be all that's holding you together.'

'I've found this great app. It locates heavier people I can stand next to, making me appear thinner.'

'I hope that's olive oil. More healthy.'

'Oh, thank god, a hot tub... My back is literally killing me.'

"No thanks! My dad said those things will kill you!"

Hurrah for control pants!