Own Children Mugs

'You sure your dad won't mind if we use his silicone spray?'

'Hurry, wipe it off before Dad comes home!'

'Isn't that cute! They're thanking us.'

City Zoo: Day Care

I like the Jets...I guess

"I know what this is, it's what mum and dad call 'working from home'...

Wildlife

12 O'clock was 'I'm a tractor time.'

"These are the very weapons your mother and I used in our famous duel."

Santa Claus's Mail

Uncle demonstrating chemical experiments to children

'When he's happy he can cool the entire downstairs.'

"Whales eat billions of tiny shrimp-like creatures called krill. The krill are free but whales spend a fortune on dental floss."

'I didn't dedicate my book, A Lifetime of Wine Tasting, to my 3 ex-wives and nine kids, because they made it possible. I did it because they made it necessary.'

'Chocolate milk, carrot cake,candied yams...see, there's a solution to everything!'

"As you can see, I've alphabetized the items, presents owing if you will, so if you can digitally initial here, here, here, here and here and sign there. Thank you. See you December 24."

'I'm not sure which one is the role model.'

"We're playing doctor. Do you have any old magazines for our waiting room?"

"Look, a bug!"

"And this is our media room."

"That'll be five bucks."

Boy with a whale: 'He followed me home, Dad, can I keep him?'

SALE

"Just kick back and enjoy this. These are the nest years of our lives!"

'He made an excellent jelly.'

Shed Into Dream Playhouse.

Child laughs while making farting sound under arm. Dad says, 'Isn't it nice when they find something they're good at?

"Wait—did you procure that worm humanely?"

"I have an imaginary friend called Fred, and my dad has one called Alexa."

"Mom probably wouldn't buy us one, but you have to learn to make your own choices, Dad."

'The kids were so sweet...'

Raised by Dogs

Kangaroo mom to child, 'We're not going anywhere until you buckle-up, young man.'

"Oh, mournful and terrible engine of horror and crime—of agony and of death, not asparagus again!"