Overcoming Family Trauma Pillows

"Lately, I've begun to understand - and forgive - my parents."

"This is where baby gets some alone time."

'I'm glad you're able to be with us more, but I'd appreciate it if you'd say you're 'spending time' with us, not 'doing time' with us.'

"Now, Mrs. Jones, repeat after me..."

Holiday-Cancelling Headphones

'We've never had an accident - aside from three of our five kids.'

"I'm afraid your allowance didn't survive the latest round of budget cuts."

Interpreters.

Coronovirus dreams

"Mr. Wickers called me 'gifted' in front of the whole class. I'm ruined."

Once or twice a year he'd leave work and go home to his family. He missed them terribly, but not the commute.

"The babysitter wants to know where you keep your vodka?"

'Do you ever communicate as a family by just speaking?'

Interpreter.

A bit of Tennyson for you Dad: 'In spring a young man's fancy lightly turns to thoughts of love.'

I told my mom about my imaginary friend and now she wants to schedule all my play dates.

'it wasn't my parents' divorce that traumatized me — it was when my dad had my mom beheaded.'

"Look, we might have our little tiffs, but I think we should stay together for the sake of the children."

'Tired, depressed, stomach upset, sounds like you're just back from a family holiday.'

"Would it hurt you to take two minutes from writing code to write your grandmother?"

'You couldn't just lock him up somewhere, could you?'

"For better or for worse, from pre-nuptial contract to no-fault divorce..."

"I could never please my father. Whenever I did something he didn't approve of, he'd threaten to go public."

"I think I’m turning into my parents."

'It's a done deal...she keeps the cave and the kids...you get the wheels.'

Two people shouting.

"When I was 5 years old, I put all my money in a pickle jar. Of course, my money was soggy and the pickles tasted funny."

"My mom has a new boyfriend, my dad has a new girlfriend and all I got was a new therapist."

Dysfunctional Family Tree.

Intimacy.

Family therapy clinic - Joke do jour: What's the difference between an inlaw and an outlaw? An outlaw is always wanted."

"Mommy and Daddy are arguing again."

Family Feud

In all the years I've endured your presence, I have never once heard you mention your mother. It's almost as if you think you sprang fully formed from the bowels of the earth. When's the last time you called your mother? December 2, 1992. The day before text messaging was introduced. INGRATE!!!

"It's through our attorneys, but at least we're talking."