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Anal retentives anonymous - tonight.

'Fred, I want you to sanitize this, punch it up, dumb it down, leak it to the media and then be fully prepared to deny it!'

Fisherman Evolution: They have evolved over the years with three distinct species...the largest of these is the coarse fisherman.

Obsession with the Internet.

"When the slowest car in the fast lane don't go any slower than the fastest car in the slow lane."

"Store policy is that I need a note from your wife."

"No, we can't get you a new toy every time we go shopping."

"Yes, but I'll know it's a recliner."

Holiday Sales: The Starting Line

Shampoo and Salad Dressing.

"I'll throw in a few extra pinstripes."

Woman puts a targeting sight on her vacuum cleaner.

"Consumer confidence remains high as long as we keep them distracted buying stuff."

"Hired! You're just what we need in our budget office!"

'I've got it written down...'

'...and this is the Mess.'

"How will you be paying? Crypto, Venmo, electronic fund transfer, credit card, check, cash, precious metals, brightly colored shells or livestock?"

"Eeny, meeny, miney, mo.."

"I have no idea where we parked the car, or why we exist."

"Class, welcome back Sean ... who, you may recall, was lost for eight days in Home Depot."

I think I can...

'But what do you sell?'

"Why is this cart so heavy?"

'And this one is just today's grocery list from my wife.'

'Our survey shows there's more confidence in shopping coupons than in the dollar...'

'Our definition of a 'bargain' is right there in the small print.'

"And if you look to the right you'll see what happens if you disrupt my class."

'Right, you peck his left paw, I'll go for the right one.'

File room: A subsidiary of the black hole of the universe

'I'm sure I've forgotten something. I got change from a fifty.'

'The plan is to market our original product as a new product...'

'C'mon, it's only up to your knees!'

"Good afternoon. Feng-shui consultation bureau."

"How do you expect to learn to be a good loser when you win all the time?"