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Anal retentives anonymous - tonight.

'Fred, I want you to sanitize this, punch it up, dumb it down, leak it to the media and then be fully prepared to deny it!'

Fisherman Evolution: They have evolved over the years with three distinct species...the largest of these is the coarse fisherman.

Obsession with the Internet.

"Store policy is that I need a note from your wife."

"When the slowest car in the fast lane don't go any slower than the fastest car in the slow lane."

"No, we can't get you a new toy every time we go shopping."

'Jeff is a tackle on his online college football team.'

"Yes, but I'll know it's a recliner."

Holiday Sales: The Starting Line

Shampoo and Salad Dressing.

"I'll throw in a few extra pinstripes."

"Consumer confidence remains high as long as we keep them distracted buying stuff."

Armstrong, the new Ybox game console comes out next week. I've got to get in line at Computer Villa. Nope. You are callous and inhumane. Fortunately, I have a backup plan. Computer Villa sale! If anyone cuts, chew their nose off.

'I've got it written down...'

'...and this is the Mess.'

"Hired! You're just what we need in our budget office!"

Woman puts a targeting sight on her vacuum cleaner.

"How will you be paying? Crypto, Venmo, electronic fund transfer, credit card, check, cash, precious metals, brightly colored shells or livestock?"

"I have no idea where we parked the car, or why we exist."

"Eeny, meeny, miney, mo.."

'And this one is just today's grocery list from my wife.'

I think I can...

"Why is this cart so heavy?"

"Class, welcome back Sean ... who, you may recall, was lost for eight days in Home Depot."

'But what do you sell?'

"And if you look to the right you'll see what happens if you disrupt my class."

'Our definition of a 'bargain' is right there in the small print.'

'Our survey shows there's more confidence in shopping coupons than in the dollar...'

File room: A subsidiary of the black hole of the universe

'Right, you peck his left paw, I'll go for the right one.'

'I'm sure I've forgotten something. I got change from a fifty.'

'The plan is to market our original product as a new product...'

'C'mon, it's only up to your knees!'

"Good afternoon. Feng-shui consultation bureau."