Shopper Strategist Pillows

'This trolley of yours does £75 per mile.'

Sale on the same stuff as last week.

Omar Khayyam Meets Trader Joe

"Sorry sir - the self-propelling pencils have all just walked out..."

I thought you said Megson couldn't be bought.

"The only thing that's not gone up is the pound."

Only One Item or Fewer.

"Everything's gone up."

"Store policy is that I need a note from your wife."

"No, we can't get you a new toy every time we go shopping."

"The Box is bigger, the contents smaller, increased the price and called it improved."

Holiday Sales: The Starting Line

'I decided to start buying food in bulk. I hope you're hungry!'

"Yes, but I'll know it's a recliner."

Shampoo and Salad Dressing.

"I'll throw in a few extra pinstripes."

Diets: Sweets and Biscuits.

'So the prince and princess lowered their expectations became savvy consumers, then they lived reasonably contented forever after.'

"Consumer confidence remains high as long as we keep them distracted buying stuff."

We Never Look at Prices Shop.

'I've got it written down...'

STRIP Hambone: Expensive repair job

'Retirement Training Program'"Very good, Larry! Just one more step and you'll have the entire aisle blocked!"

"How will you be paying? Crypto, Venmo, electronic fund transfer, credit card, check, cash, precious metals, brightly colored shells or livestock?"

Artificial Isle

"Eeny, meeny, miney, mo.."

"I have no idea where we parked the car, or why we exist."

"Class, welcome back Sean ... who, you may recall, was lost for eight days in Home Depot."

'And this one is just today's grocery list from my wife.'

'But what do you sell?'

Fashion Mistake.

"Why is this cart so heavy?"

"I often think of the 'Hereafter'. When I'm shopping I'm always asking myself 'What am I here after?'"

'Advanced warning: High cholesterol 10mtrs ahead.'

"You want to go shopping in Lisbon? Honey, give me 10 seconds to sign the order to invade Portugal!"