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Bureaucratic speech

"Ya know, 'DUH' can be a very hurtful word."

"The document states that you've been left your mother's jowls and upper arm flab."

Drink for me and my hot mamma. Now! We don't serve beer. Latte. Two, punk! Decaf. You don't want to see him angry. Also, low-foam and soy milk would be great. You don't want to see him gassy. Can I get one of those little Twizzler sticks to stir it with? Cube of brown sugar, please. And one nonfat blueberry scone! Two! I'd like to see how John Wayne would've ordered a fancy coffee drink.

'Don't worry about making your will, Miss Moneybags leave everything to me. . .'

'Make him laugh, make him cry.'

'Does anyone know where we keep the unwritten rules?'

"There's no need for your kitty to be envious. After state and federal taxes and legal administrative fees, Chessy's share of Aunt Martha's estate came to hardly anything."

A rare picture of Henry VIII's divorce lawyer.

'...and this is the Mess.'

"We have a favor to ask."

'You might want to try another photographer, Sire. This one tends to cut the heads off.'

'Mind if I head off a little early today?'

Happy Birthday to you... Thanks guys!

William Tell Executions.

'My cat died this morning. This is a legal nightmare. There are nine wills.' color

"Look, you took a huge fashion risk and it just didn't work out for you."

Raccoons! Single file into the crate! Snake! Back in your hole! Crickets! Keep it down! Animal Control Freak.

Continental marshal

'Who ordered the chef's head?'

'Of course the swing is important, just don't allow it to pull focus from the neck.'

"Before we begin, I'd like to say that in thirty years as an attorney, I've never encountered a more interesting departure from the standard last will and testament."

"Good afternoon. Feng-shui consultation bureau."

"What about the writers? Nobody ever blames the writers!"

"We need 6 last meals over at table 9."

"One final question... how did you hear about us/"

'Governor's Pardon is on the way, Bob. Hang in there.'

'We're going to have to cut back a little this year ....'

'If I hear one more person say 'Just a little of the top' I'm going to lose it!'

"Gee—it's just like in the movies!"

'My work clothes are at the cleaner's, so I had to borrow my kid's hoodie.'

'Henry, I wish you weren't so cheap and would hire a divorce lawyer.'

"Work's been really hard."

Louie 'The Egg' Spignoli, The Hangman's Nightmare

'I had hoped for some great farewell jokes!'