Oppression Commentator Pillows

"Damn - another letter to the editor."

"It isn't much of a dragon, but then, she wasn't much of a maiden."

"And the winner is… Dan the Man by a nose!"

"This just in: According to a recent poll, painkillers have replaced religion as the opiate of the masses."

"National Metaphor Day by the looks of it."

"‘Click’, you have reached the White House, press 1 for shameless groveling, 2 for presidential pardons, and please have your credit card details ready..."

'Cartoonist thinking'

'Will I have to be a mum when I grow up?'

'He hasn't played a game yet, but there are people who have started whinging about him already.'

Sports Radio in Crisis

The National Institute for Advanced Talk-Show Punditry.

"Lord, save my ass from this Russia debacle, please!"

"I suppose it was bound to come to this."

Tree of Public Opinion.

Carl Shurz's attacks on President Grant are 'Played Out'

"Can you hear me now?"

And now, for a rebuttal.

'Oh man, he just nailed that triple entendre... that all but guarantees him a medal.'

Chess on TV

'Iraq had no WMD's? Iran has no nukes? Surely there must be some terror-producing country to keep Americans frightened, and in support of big defense spending!'

"As you can see here - slow the tape, guys - these sparks are coming awfully close to the truck's gas tank, an explosive situation indeed..." Every high speed chase needs a color man.

"Actually, we will replace you."

'Oh, that's a deduction to pay for management perks.'

The United States of Amazement

Have you drugged your child today?

"This is gonna be great!"

"If PBS announcers did football games." "Let's listen carefully to the quarterback as he scans his options. It appears that the defense seems to want to deter his team from moving the ball forward..." "The fans are making so much noise. I wonder if they know how hard that makes it for the players to concentrate?"

Sportscasters on the Savannah

"I see he finally got rid of that idiotic comb-over."