Online Surveys Prints

'Shouldn't we be doing this online?'

'My name's Google and I'm being inundated with requests for information about every damn thing imaginable, by people I don't even know...It's endless!'

'I'd say he's 10 percent 'pet' and 90 percent 'Lord and Master of All He Surveys'.'

Nervous Oral Testing

Hello, my name is riskyy@ronny5 and I am addicted to comments boards.

"Exactly how undecided would you say you were at this precise moment?"

Travelogue

'Ask your computer.'

'Please, Ma'am — I'm running out of paper!'

'For? Against? Undecided? Uniformed? Apathetic? This is one accurate poll!'

'I checked my symptoms on the internet and I think I might be dead!'

'Yes. No. Sometimes. No. No. Yes. Don't know. Sometimes. Yes. Mo.'

"A new survey shows only 3% of Americans take surveys, but everyone believes the stupid things."

"Would you have a moment to take a short survey about your experience?"

"Our latest survey shows our customers basically want just three things: prompt service, and apology when mistakes occur and to be treated politely..."

"I've already go t a diagnosis from homedoc.com..."

"I have to tell you, I got a totally different diagnosis from someone named PookyPoo on medi-answer.com."

Pollsters: Mori, Gallup and Just Nosey.

"Rate your experience and you could win an Amazon gift voucher."

I'm just a pollster, ma'am - I have no idea which candidate is a cat person.

Beware of the Blog.

"And how do you feel when your patient does online research and thinks he's an expert?"

I've spent all night diluting our negative reviews on Yelp. Really? Yeah. You know how you can usually tell when a business owner does that? They post "reviews" that don't have even a hint of negativity. Amateurs. Check out the negatives I include: "House of Java Cafe. I hate it because it's so perfect, it makes the rest of my day feel inadequate."

"It's ten o'clock, and seventy-seven per cent of the people think all is well!"

'What seems to be the problem?' - 'I've got bubonic plague.' - 'Okay... so what symptoms do you have?' - 'Well, I feel chilly and I had a muscle cramp. They're both symptoms of plague.' - 'I hate Wikipedia.' - 'It says here that you should prescribe...'

'I went online to check out my ancestry and I found that my dad, 10,000 times removed, was an amoeba!'

'Can you spare a moment for the Universe, sir?'

'Those are interesting questions Timmy. I suggest you ask your search engine.'

'It's yet another customer survey asking about our last oil change. Was it poor, fair, very good, blissful or orgasmic?'

"On a scale of one to ten. How happy would you say you are?"

"Since they graduated, have any of your children moved back in with you?"

This survey will only take five minutes and will help me improve future floods.

"One moment, sweetie, I'm just asking Google how I should react."

"Excuse me, sir - I'm conducting a survey about stress in the workplace."

Ewe Tube A Ewe checking out the sheep world's version of You Tube.