Online Debate Gifts

The Proust of Twitter

My new laptop is nicer than your new laptop. I'm not going to get into a competition about whose new laptop is nicer. The one I replaced is nicer than the one you replaced. Stop it.

Hello, my name is riskyy@ronny5 and I am addicted to comments boards.

'Don't bite. They're trolling again.'

"We broke up. I wanted a proprietary platform - she wanted open source."

"Honey, come quick! This guy in the comments section just solved the Middle East crisis."

"I had a great weekend... My Grandpa talked about the war again and my Dad about his most daring facebook comments!"

'I can watch T.V. shows on the computer, so who needs a TV?'

"I'm suffering the unbearable loneliness of being right on the internet."

I can't keep up, Randy. What happened, little buddy? You know how I created a hate-bot to automate my back you up in online arguments business? Don't tell me: The Russian troll farms beat you to it. No. My hate-bot became sentient and created an even snarkier hate-bot. Mankind is officially obsolete. For an extra $1, the HB-1000 will throw in racism and misogyny.

Too many people post comments in the heat of anger. They strike while the ire is hot!

Unsocial Networking.

"I learned my social skills on social media. . . what's it to you anyway you stupid cow?!"

"Sorry, Man! I had no idea Alexa would be here!"

"How's your lowrider blog going?"

To tweet, or not to tweet - that is the question. Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer the snark and the venomous replies of anonymous jerks

"Not now, honey. Daddy's arguing with strangers about the sexual orientation of puppets."

The First Asshole

"I can tell you about this article or you can just read the comments online."

Philosophie.fr Bulletin Board - 1936

"I know you're wrong, I just can't get the computer to say it yet."

"Thank you for participating in this poll, but because your answers do not coincide with your social media rantings, you're obviously lying."

"Whatever the politicians might decide, I'm well prepared because I've got enough hate comments for the next five years!"

Oh no! What's wrong? I tweeted a sarcastic insult about Brian Blount, my nemesis in the race for class president. So? So … the sarcasm didn't come through. All my followers think I was praising him. Oh. Yeah, well sarcasm's tricky online. Oh no! My followers are confused about where my loyalties lie. Oh no! Some of them are calling me a sellout. They're saying they're disillusioned! Oh no! Now they've split into two factions, those who say I'm a sellout and those who say maybe Brian Blount isn't

Every man and his dog gets to have an opinion on social media.

"Hmm... I wonder what I can find to trigger my self-righteous indignation today..?"

Rudy, be reasonable. We can't have a functioning media if everyone starts putting up their own stories on the web. We need professional ethics. We need editing. We need fact-checking. We need

"Great! Now I'm torn between whether to post rants on X or Meta."

"Now Eve wants free contraceptives."

'Don't internalise that simmering rage -- get it out of your system on website comments sections.'

Maybe Those Bots Can Be Used for Good

"They're powered by Internet outrage."

"It's the first law of social media."

"Yeah yeah, nice, but how many online followers do you have?"

"You never told me what you thought of 'Wolverine.'" "I was waiting." "For what?" "For the consensus." "My own immediate reaction to any piece of entertainment could be biased. I need to read tweets and posts before I settle on a verdict." "If my view differs too much from the hive mind, it's not valid."