Old-time Storytellers Gifts

'Is this toe of frog endorsed by a major celebrity?'

"Agamemnon and Clytemnestra have decided to separate amicably."

"...and the humans turned Neville into 80,000 toothpicks..."

'Of all the nerve!...Making us sit through the whole of their Bayeux Tapestries!!'

Mom, there's a simple explanation for this...Aliens from outer space.

After 39 years, 11 months, 28 days, Moses finally received the GPS he ordered from Amazon.

Pastries and Candy

Home Sweet Home

'How do you like my fantasy weekend so far?'

Romeo & Juliet & Ron

'Are we there yet?'

'I made a good grade in creative writing, but I didn't do very well in creative spelling.'

"You think two weeks in isolation is hard?"

"No, I don't want to live forever, but I damn sure don't want to be dead forever, either."

'He was a great writer'

'It's worse than we thought: You've got termites.'

'O mighty gods! - May you grant us food, clothing, and shelter, and the wisdom to know the difference.'

Jorge Luis Borges

Cat scratches on a pirate's wooden leg.

"So you're just now tellin' me I was hatched from an egg and I coulda' left years ago?!?"

It started friendly enough...'I'm Henry VIII, my dear, but you may call me 'Hank'.'

Man takes picutre of other man holding up huge worm at Bait Shop.

'It's okay sir, I'm private Johnson.'

"We've intended to ask you about it for some time, Doctor, but never got around to it."

"Honestly, I thought you were a metaphor."

"Yes, I'm sure of my 3 wishes - I wish I had a pen, I wish I had paper to write a 'rescue me' note, and I wish I had a bottle to send it in"

How James and John became known as "Sons of Thunder".

'New hope for dysfunctional couples: Read aloud the complete works of Trollope.'

Having moved to a tablet, the farmer's wife was done with mice. . .

'Tell me about your gap year, Mr, Van Winkle,'

''Rumplestiltskin' sounds like an ALIAS to me!'

'Could you carve the Commandments in stone? -- otherwise they'll think I made them up.'

"I don't like the way the new pastor is looking at his flock."

"That fish may be bigger, but I caught more."

"He's been downgraded to a Category One."