Old Home Aficionado T-Shirts

Inventor of the Tudor spirit-level

Second hand furniture.

'It's genuine 17th century satsuma - and the pair would have been worth ?14,000.'

"You never told me your dad was so delightfully old-fashioned."

Dynasties - Ping, Ching, Ming.

'I'm old enough to remember when smiley faces were right side up.'

"Oh it's not haunted, it's just really old and nothing works."

"Midtown Vinyl. Vintage albums + EPs. Midtown Ink. Vintage books + newspapers."

'I'd like to match this credenza.'

'There's no delete key. You have to use the board eraser.'

'This book is so rare it's never been published.'

'Have you any idea just how little this is worth?'

'Stove Top Stuffing! My favourite!'

"I put my faith in coal. Because there’s no fuel like an old fuel."

Abacus.

'Do you know what I miss? - Chalk talks!'

"You're unlikely to find anyplace on the market that is truly impregnable."

"My goodness, no! Grandfather would never, ever let us near this!!"

Peace on Earth

"Now we're leaving the hall of stuff we stole from other cultures and entering the hall of stuff we paid too much for."

For sale sign: 'Unique 16th Century cottage. Similar properties wanted.'

"He's our back-up if our computers fail."

"I'd like to make a return."

'I was 'Sweatin' To The Oldies', and I flipped over on my back!'

Johannes Gutenberg

"Of course it sends your message digitally. If you want analogue we'll have to saddle up old Bessie."

A new meaning in the Roman

Grandfather Clock

"At the Christmas Artifacts Museum"

Capt. Ahab's landlocked brother Morab, searching for the white elephant.

Lady visiting the 1862 International Exhibition fands that the omnibuses ruin her crinolines

Restored antique carriage in A.D. 2500

King and Queen with real estate agent view castle for sale: 'My wife likes it, but she wants to know if you have the same thing in purple.'

'Sorry, I'm married to that one.'

F&E Antiques. Ernie, tell customers that we restocked our inventory, not that we have "all new antiques."