Office Workers With A Green Thumb Gifts

'Please inform groundskeeping that the green space is invading my personal space.'

"This is a merit-based organization! Can't you see I’ve hired the very best and most qualified yes-men money can buy?"

"Worst case of month-end burnout I ever saw."

'Is that the sweet smell of success or some imitation air freshener?'

'We're here to carbon date your company's carbon footprint.'

"I hate performance review season."

"The meeting will last until lunch, or hell freezes over, whichever is longer."

"Here, we do not procrastinate, we 'table' things."

God's Subcontractors

The original paperless office

'The boss put his picture up to enspire us. But it just isn't having that effect on me.'

'What's the matter... you're not grim here?'

"Gosh, I can't believe it's been over 25 years since our company was dragged, kicking and screaming, into the digital age!"

'I'm not worried about losing my job. I'm worried about keeping it.'

Okay, dig that one up!

"Ms. Ray, you're getting a promotion! You're no longer my Gal Friday. You're now my Gal Saturday."

'I'm still not sure HOW it happened. One minute, we were bouncing ideas off each other, and the next thing I knew, we were using furniture instead!'

'Your resume seems in order, Mr. Lupo, but would you explain exactly why you want to work here> Mr. Lupo...?

'I'd also like to welcome Henderson here, who joins us through Equal Opportunities for the undead.'

Bureau to cut back on bureaucratic paperwork...

Dog on balconey in city sniffing tree in pot

Boss to employee: 'I'm downsizing your paycheck.'

"When all else fails, blow darts still get their attention."

'Your job description is fairly simple: Stay in your cubicle and try not to make things worse.'

"I'm sorry, but Fred isn't available. He's spending a few days in the penalty box for not being a good team player. May I help you?"

"I have a very demanding job. The boss is always demanding I work late."

ABC Vice Company: Employees Must Squash Hands Before Returning to Work

"I'm sorry I bumped you, honey. Hello, tech support, I have a farmer in the Dell!"

'The firm is downsizing, Oglethorpe -- tell everybody to scrunch up.'

'I hate 'bring your inner child to work day.''

Take a hike.

"We were looking for a non-hackable, energy efficient data center. Thanks for the file cabinet."

When he was between Executive Assistants, filing became a challenge for Jonathan.

We're so pleased with your twenty years work, we've decided to offer you a two year short term contract.

"What's this? Now we have to hunt, gather and collate?"