Office Rule Humorist Pillows

Absolutely No Explicit Licking of Stamps on these Premises.

"Looks like we found the issue."

'I hope you're not threatened by powerful women, because you're fired.'

"Bert, I'm confused. What happens after we circle the wagons, tighten our belts and walk a mile in our customer's shoes? Is that when the chickens come home to roost?"

"Is this to make me feel bad for not getting you that laptop?"

"So what kind of mood is he in?"

"The good news is you’re the only one we’re not firing ... the bad news is you’re the only one to run the department."

Pounding speeds up the computer.

"You've got to fill in these forms to join the 'How to reduce bureaucracy' seminar."

"This position has become very important to the company."

On his desk, a cat has an in box, out box and litter box.

'What sort of mission statement is that?'

'It's a chart of office morale. This is where you went on vacation.'

'The check is in the email attachment.'

'I'll be late for dinner, dear. I'm up to my neck in paperwork.'

Project Length As Measured In Dog Years

'You could be a constant inspiration for us to come up with a plan to get a leg up on our competition...you're hired!'

'Finally! A meeting with one of the bigwigs.'

I hope a starting salary of 80 and a severance of 12 is acceptable....

'That's our mission statement.'

"Oh, yes, and there's plenty of opportunity for advancement."

'Our product flooded the market... Before backing up a deluge of consumer complaints!'

"So we are agreed then, most of the targets we've set staff are completely unreasonable and we should just scrap them."

"Another job well done by your conflict resolution specialist."

'This job is for a 30 hour week. . .but to achieve that you need to work 60 hours a week.'

"I don't want a G.O.A.T, I want a S.C.A.P.E.G.O.A.T."

IN box...OUT is wastepaper basket on fire.

'I have a plan 'B' but that's also dependent on a working projector bulb.'

Man to realtor: 'How much for a starter cubicle?'

'You're my best man, Pomeroy, so I've decided to sell the damn company.'

In/Out/These Things Happen.

"Third quarter numbers were good after we cut our global workforce three to two."

"No, I didn't steal your content. I just have your content's doppleganger."

"I don't like getting bogged down in details. I'm more of a big-picture guy."