Office Prank Pillows

'I think the new V. P. of Global Development is here.'

"You're invited to our management excursion. Come dresses as a pinata."

"Looks like we found the issue."

No, I didn't know they were going to cut the office furniture budget in half.

'Surely you wouldn't want me to laugh at your joke if I didn't think it was funny!'

"On a more positive note the guidance we’ve published on the services we can’t provide is published in 37 different languages."

"This position has become very important to the company."

'It's a chart of office morale. This is where you went on vacation.'

'The check is in the email attachment.'

"Here's what I'm gonna do."

'Let's not go by the book.'

Man to realtor: 'How much for a starter cubicle?'

"Clear my schedule for the next five minutes. I feel the need for some spontaneous frivolity."

'Joe took the day off to go to the ball game. So I'll be sitting in for him until he gets back. Would you like me to fetch you something?'

"They decided giving out pink slips was too impersonal. So now they're blue."

"I spent all day learning productivity hacks"

The Department of Blind-Side Bias, Knowledge Gaps and Really Great Coffee.

'Take two tablets the moment you begin to feel indispensable.'

"This report is mumbo jumbo...I asked for gobbledeeegook!"

"Don't flutter your little wings on company time."

"I realize we had to liquidate some assets, but don't you think I'd be more productive if I had a desk?"

Bo're'droom

'Senior management wanted me to raise morale so I made Lionel from accounts 'office jester'!'

Here and There Trays

'A few more years in this job and you'll learn how to delegate stress.'

'That last meeting was a complete turn-off.'

"I drink just enough coffee to make me think I can do my job."

"No training period, but you can purchase my instructional video on line for $49.95."

"We're looking for that perfect blend of vision, ambition and ethical ambiguity."

"That report on corporate redundancy... I'd like it in triplicate."

'Being the boss's yes-man used to be easier. Now you also have to 'like' him on facebook, follow him on Twitter, link with him on linked-in...'

'Salaries Manager. No.'

"Welcome aboard, Bailey. Don't worry — they don't bite."

'The sunglasses idea would have worked if you hadn't started snoring.'

'Germaine, what did you do with my desk?'