Office Politicker Gifts

"We realize it's a win-win, Jenkins—we're trying to figure out a way to make it a win-lose."

'I tried to warn you, Fred. As the economy goes, so goes the corporate culture here!'

"Every complaint should be seen as a learning opportunity, today you’re going to learn where to hide them."

'We're hoping to get enough for the boss to take early retirement.'

Some lessons we've learned about life during hard economic times.

'It's a good offer. I just don't think we should jump at the first one.'

"Oh, he's got such a flair for the dramatic."

"This is a tough place to work..."

"I hate it when his yes man is on vacation. I have to come here every day for two weeks and wag my tail nonstop."

"I want you to share any concerns you have about customer care and I'll see if I can do anything about your whining not completely destroying your career."

"How have you managed to keep your job?"

'The 'insourcing' will go ahead and some jobs will be off to Leeds or Manchester, but I think I'll be safe...'

"So what kind of mood is he in?"

"The good news is you’re the only one we’re not firing ... the bad news is you’re the only one to run the department."

'Surely you wouldn't want me to laugh at your joke if I didn't think it was funny!'

"Can I savor this for a few moments? The ball's never been in my court before!"

"This position has become very important to the company."

"This is a merit-based organization! Can't you see I’ve hired the very best and most qualified yes-men money can buy?"

Brian wanted to call the presentation "Synergy". Paula wanted to call it "Cooperation". They could never agree.

"Well, ordinary men have colleagues. Successful men have victims."

"Yeah, but that one's a little bit hard to reach."

"I was just going to say, 'Well, I don't make the rules.' But, of course, I do make the rules."

"I don't want a G.O.A.T, I want a S.C.A.P.E.G.O.A.T."

"Peter's Joint Head of Communications."

"So we are agreed then, most of the targets we've set staff are completely unreasonable and we should just scrap them."

'I'm glad you guys could work this out in a reasonable manner.'

"I'm expert at sniffing out blame."

So which rung are you on my corporate ladder?

A fight in the Boardroom.

"'Quid pro quo' is a no-no, Bradbury. Around here we say 'reciprocal altruism'."

Businessman on stilts: 'I had to step over a lot of people to get where I am today.'

'Don't think of it as being a yes man, think of it as being an employed man.'

'The lads at the office still talk about the day you told the boss what to do with his job...'

"I believe we've found the weakest link."

"I don't care if you are the Immediate Gratification Generation. Get out of my chair and back to the mailroom."