Office Plant Whisperer T-Shirts

'Personnel, hire someone with a green thumb quick!'

"Maybe we're overdoing the sensitivity training."

"Can I savor this for a few moments? The ball's never been in my court before!"

The Busy Gardener

'You say 'dead.' I say 'low maintenance.''

Something Wilted This Way Comes.

Plant Lady

"We really need more perennials? Aren't my weeds and crabgrass enough?"

"Cheery little flowers, saying good night, saying good morning!"

'We use to tiptoe through the tulips. . . now we just waddle through the weeds.'

An Unexpected Guest.

"Usually gardeners only have green thumbs, so you must really spend a lot of time in the garden."

"Looks like we grafted a few too many human genes into the kohlrabi."

'I used to do that, but it just grows again.'

'I had a wonderful garden last year. Bark beetles, aphids, mealy worms, thripes, wax seal, gray mold, and grubs!'

"No! I want to live! I want to live!"

Garden Goddess.

Garden Shop - Top Soil, Bottom Soil (manure)

'I went into that meeting with a hidden agenda and then forgot where I put it.'

The Gardener's Calendar: Try to Repair It...

An old man growing berries

'Betty liked the way her house provided lots of private space.'

"Would it kill you to give me a hug?"

"I'm losing my patience with you."

Botany Baby!

Housewife feeding her washing machine with a brief.

"Can you tell the oak tree to tell the birch tree to tell the elm tree I said hi?"

...gon make you sweat...gon make you groove

Herbophiles protest mass killings of plants.

"Security? There's a goddam tree in my office."

Woman in hospital has i.v. attached to plant.

Tree Passion

'I slave away all summer getting the garden just right to relax in - then autumn arrives!

Water the hydrangeas twice a week and trim as needed. The bromeliad only needs to be high-fived on Saturday, but you can give it high and low fives anytime you have a spare moment. Just, whatever you do, don't give it a "too slow" or it will turn inward and begin shutting down.

'This plant which you brought to me from your office snubs all my other plants.'