Office Manager T-Shirts

'...any other business?'

'As a part of a cost-cutting experiment all of our safety measures will be replaced with these good luck charms.'

Effective communications

"Shall I file it or do you want to find it again?"

Well, the doctor confirmed that it's not Rosacea.

"No one could believe their eyes. Yet there he stood. In just three hours, fifty-one minutes and nine seconds, office supervisor Frank Fernlaw had proven that he very well COULD manage his way out of a wet paper bag, thank you very much."

The Department of Lessons Learned...

'Mind you, I'm not responsible for the entire pipeline ?' just the section that flows through my office.'

Does anyone know where we keep the unwritten rules?

'Nobody turned up to the 'effective communications' seminar...they didn't get our memo.'

Performance appraisals.

"The bunny did not get the job because the bunny is cute. The bunny got the job because the bunny knows WordPerfect."

'We were in the right place at the right time but, unfortunately, we were in the wrong time zone.'

'But you have to admit management's commitment to quality is working.'

"Hey look, my To Do list! I haven't been able to find this for weeks!"

Positive and Negative Motivation

'This is Bob - our secret agent of change.'

They laid off half the staff and installed a mirror, hoping no one would notice.

"You're in luck...I've unearthed those payroll records from 3 years ago."

"I know we said we would get you a laptop.. but this will have to do until business gets better."

"No, I don't call it 'sexual harassment'. I call it casual friday!"

'There it is! I've isolated the origin of the firm's demise.'

Yoga class intrays - in/out/relax.

'Gee, Bill, you're not still upset about that e-mail I sent you yesterday, are you?'

"And once you've achieved your 25% improvement in client satisfaction surveys, we need you to solve the problem of global warming,third world poverty and cold toast."

'They're draft outlines on how to run a paperless office.'

Woman trying to do lots of things at once

'In my day, we didn't concern ourselves with wimpy notions of workplace ergonomics.'

'Warning - inappropriate behaviour could lead to harassement claims. Please shake hands under the mistletoe!'

'Somebody should tell our office manager that a motorized filing cabinet does not qualify as an electronic health record system.'

'Have I got this poster straight?'

'Right about here I added a drip coffee maker, with high caffeine premium blend coffee, to the employee break room.'

"Advertise! Advertise! That's always been your answer for everything."

Suggestion box: 'Build a bigger Complaints box'.

There are better responses to 'change' than running around the office screaming 'We're doomed!'