Office Job Realist Pillows

"Do you want me to empty the ashtray over your head now?"

'Do you think, perhaps, that we could start shooting for a few longer-term goals around here?'

'This job is for a 30 hour week. . .but to achieve that you need to work 60 hours a week.'

"Could you go back to the front desk? The receptionist has some forms for you to fill out."

"I agree, the place was a tear-down, but I just remembered we were only renting it."

Road Forks in the Road: No Way and Yes Way.

"Yes, we have a retirement plan. It's called a layoff."

'Your salary will help you learn the lesson that life is not fair.'

'Don't worry about your job at the office, Sweetie. They declared bankrupty today.'

"It's a shame, excellent recommendations and a superb skill set but lacks the boiling hot all consuming ambition and ruthless desire for self promotion required as head of stationary procurement."

"Son, the world is full of disappointments. About 7.7 billion of them."

'Good new. . . we're moving you to a bigger desk!'

"We end our Newscast with a happy story tonight."

City Bar and Grill - "Stop worrying, youth and enthusiasm can't compete with experience and treachery."

Someone loses his pension.

Woman talking romantically whilst man talks about measuring the scullery.

"Have you ever given any thought to what you're going to do after all your hopes and dreams are crushed?"

Platitudes for the hopelessly realistic. When life gives you lemons, get a gift receipt.

"...Everyone you meet on the way up, you'll meet again on the way down."

'Welcome to the office. . . Someone will be along to remove your self esteem and install your paranoia.'

'Remember Jones, your organs are worth more to us than your intellectual property.'

Dear Sadie, I'm just an aging Baby-Boomer who still believes in America, and sees all the good around me, but I don't understand why we've become so mean. How can I feel good about us again? Signed, Marlemarion. Great question. There's an easy answer as to how you can feel better about the world. Change your name to something normal! I just don't agree with the @#$% premise that we've gotten mean.

"Ambitions... to retire on full pay and just go fishing."

"The bad news is that we've had to cut most of the services. . . The good news is that we can now tell people in 23 languages what we don't do anymore!"

Go to M.I.T., they said. You'll do great things, they said.

Inbox and Outbox

"...I thought I was too smart, too idealistic to end up this way, but LOOK at me! I've become an entrenched bureaucrat!"

"I see fleeting moments of happiness in between extended periods of boredom and stress."

Warning Being Alive On This Planet May Cause Cancer

'You suck.'

'With only one sick day left, your boss wishes you a speedy recovery.'

'What happens in the board room stays in the board room, Hawkins!'

'I can't stand 'Yes men'!'

"Miss Frimley? Could you fetch me a bigger chair?"

Yesterday was the first day of the rest of your life: 'The pay is good, but the pressure here...'