Office Antics Pillows

'This is going to be good, he's taking water balloons into the board meeting.'

'I, along with some of the other employees, feel you're abusing the break room.'

"He put the 'fun' in funding."

"Hey Lorna, come see the stupid thing this guy is going to do next week."

"Now, unless someone else wants a "timeout" we'll resume our meeting."

'When you are done balancing in your chair we will continue the meeting.'

Why is it that you're always being eaten by a tiger when I call you in here, Popper?

"I've put every one of those vital master copies through here, and it took ages. Where do the copies come out?"

"Did you hear that?"

CEO practices his golf in the office.

'So, caught you selling photocopies of parts of your body, again.'

'Everyone makes mistakes, that's why, sooner or later, I fire everyone.'

'Kurtz is up to his old tricks again.'

"I took the squeaker out so the boss doesn't know when I'm goofing off."

"We want you to be passionage about your job even if it sucks the life out of you."

"Looks like we found the issue."

'Surely you wouldn't want me to laugh at your joke if I didn't think it was funny!'

"On a more positive note the guidance we’ve published on the services we can’t provide is published in 37 different languages."

"This position has become very important to the company."

'It's a chart of office morale. This is where you went on vacation.'

'The check is in the email attachment.'

'Let's not go by the book.'

"Clear my schedule for the next five minutes. I feel the need for some spontaneous frivolity."

"I spent all day learning productivity hacks"

"They decided giving out pink slips was too impersonal. So now they're blue."

The Department of Blind-Side Bias, Knowledge Gaps and Really Great Coffee.

'Take two tablets the moment you begin to feel indispensable.'

"I realize we had to liquidate some assets, but don't you think I'd be more productive if I had a desk?"

"This report is mumbo jumbo...I asked for gobbledeeegook!"

"Don't flutter your little wings on company time."

Bo're'droom

'A few more years in this job and you'll learn how to delegate stress.'

"I drink just enough coffee to make me think I can do my job."

"No training period, but you can purchase my instructional video on line for $49.95."

"Welcome aboard, Bailey. Don't worry — they don't bite."