Offbeat Humorist T-Shirts

'Sorry...you're not quite right for the position.'

NO, I don't want to hear 'my dog's has fleas'!

'Now THERE'S a friendship I've never quite understood. That's Ludwig van Beethoven on the left, with Harvey Fernquist, the inventor of telephone 'hold' music!'

I've been teaching art history for decades. Students today ask new kinds of questions. No, I doubt a gluten-free menu option was available that evening. Nope, the artist was not making a statement about climate change. No, despite the umbrellas, this is not about sun exposure safety. Well, yes, I suppose you can say it's a selfie.

"I agree, the place was a tear-down, but I just remembered we were only renting it."

MUSHROOM MASACRE.

Grim Reaper Buying CDs...

"Eww - that whale's breath smells awful!" "You could use a breath mint yourself, lady!"

"Day 4,261... I don’t know how much longer I can survive. Still no signs of civilization. Food is scarce and I fear the wound on my ankle is infected. Still, all this pales in comparison to the horror of having to be anywhere at any particular time."

"The Eggsorcist"

"Don't worry, Miss. I'll soon get the hang of it."

' It's a bit of an anti climax - I've washed it but I can't go any where ! '

'I'm no expert, but I think we're a little behind when it comes to the latest industry technology.'

"I condensed my painting to the pure essence of the message. What helps me a lot is the fact that I've got nothing to say at all."

"Staring down the enemy in the heat of battle! That is how sausage is made!"

"[UNABLE TO PROCESS THIS IMAGE]"

'Mom, Dad... we found out that in a previous life, Sheila was a dog and I was a tree. That's why we decided to marry to continue this promising relationship!'

The opera - 'Please, sir, give us your ticket, if you ain;t a-goin' in again.'

"She's a dachshund-lemming mix."

"Pendleton, as of noon today your services will no longer be required. Meanwhile, keep up the good work."

The mysterious ancient stone figures of Keister Island.

"I'm thinking of leaving these crowded condos and going to a place that's been deserted for years...the mall."

"The pea's the first vegetable I've ever grown. Can you stuff and mount it for me please?"

"All this online learning sort of makes you miss the head lice days, huh?"

"Are you the one they call El Cóndor?"

History of Cartooning.

"....And the weatherman said it was going to be a hot one today so take it easy and stay hydrated..."

Gustav Holst

'I'm writing a vegetarian cook book.'

Off Off Off Off Broadway

I'll admit I haven't been waiting all my life to meet you, but I have waited through a rough pencil sketch, the inking process and Photoshop lettering. Surely that's worth something! !?!

'Eh, love. The one armed bandit at the end of the bar isn't working.'

A dog dressed as a cowboy leans against a sign that reads "Armed response".

"It's right here in the brochure: 'Be sure to tip your fishing guide.'"

"So, Owen tells me you guys met in art school."