Odor Connoisseur Pillows

Cheese Secret

"I was with you right up to the cumin."

'Is that the sweet smell of success or some imitation air freshener?'

"Dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, onion bagel with Nutella and cream cheese, dirt, dirt, dirt..."

The Gettysburg Address in process.

"How about we settle your tab from the regular season?"

'Man...You age great!'

Redhead

"A horse by any other mane would small as sweat."

'Make it a microbrew, Jake! I've gone organic!'

'No, that's not my shaving lotion. We've been burning cow chips in the wood stove.'

Runner 007 is given a martini for refreshment.

Jerry Brown.

'What's wrong with him?' - 'He drank a glass of water by mistake.'

When placed in the hands of the right person on a long vacation, even egg salad could be a deadly weapon.

Wine of the Day Club

'Well, it was just a first draft.'

'Harold took the advice of the 'experts' and only invested in things he understood, which is why our portfolio consists entirely of Anheuser-Busch and Phillip Morris.'

"The big money doesn't seem to be in Pretzels anymore."

"And how is the 'medium' salmon you had me overcook?!"

'You are talking about health? Ha! My cig does not have calories, fat, cholesterol, carbohydrates and sugar!'

"But you both can't be the 'father' of Ammonium Pentoxide Phosphate."

"Do you prefer lavender scent or strawberry?"

'...at least it's done something for our image.'

Whiskey Bottle - Well it doesn't look like a paperweight to me.

Why used clothing should be declared a dangerous weapon...

"What pheromone are you using?"

"Either you're emitting the scent of power, or your phone battery is about to explode."

"Try getting life insurance when scientists are always supplying you with tobacco."

Beer Belly/Vodka Elbow

"I decided to burn all my previous napkins and start fresh."

'I can drink beer, wine or liquor. I'm a 'hybrid.''

You are here.

Welcome! Milk Convention!: 'Bourbon, milk chaser- no, make that milk, bourbon chaser.'

'We really need to get a new rescue dog. This one keeps helping himself to the brandy!'