Octane Optimizer Mugs

'Wilbur took really, really good care of his car.'

No, I didn't know they were going to cut the office furniture budget in half.

"I realize we had to liquidate some assets, but don't you think I'd be more productive if I had a desk?"

"This software will cut my workload in half, so I purchased two."

"Now, let's get out there and walk really fast to places we don't want to be."

'Don't worry about it. If at first we don't succeed, we can do it later and get paid time-and-a-half for it.'

'We believe in using performance-enhancing drugs here.. they're called bonuses.'

The new contract didn't leave him much room to maneuver his hoverdesk.

Don't Waste A Moment! Put Down That Magazine And Get Fit While You Sit!

'Making staff get a sick note after one day is essential if we're to make the whole system work more efficiently!'

'He's a control freak but the treats are good.'

'Today's Odds' sign above a copier showing various odds for machine's malfunctions

"Lady here wants to put £5 on Cambridge 'Each way'!"

"I'd consider taking out this appendix you'renot using and greatly expanding your kidney area."

'The town I grew up in was so affluent they used to close the schools in honor of options expiration day.'

"Junior, there's more to life than winning. There's also beating the spread."

"You said to start the laundry and bathe the cat, so I thought I could save time if..."

"You know me. Never criticize,always optimize. The eternal Ms. Masking Tape."

"It's an alert from my smart desk. It wants me to go paperless because it can no longer bear the weight of all the paper I use."

"Lay off the junk food, your pancreas is rusty"

'Office real estate' lifting weights

Man sees sign on betting shop door listing odds on when the proprietor will come back from lunch.

Derision/Leader/Respect

"Actually, turns out my entire life can take place at 10%."

'Would you be interested in adding a few options?'

"Oh, nice-pulling up the blinds really lets in the light."

"Waking at 2 A.M. is how I stay one step ahead of all the people who wake at 5 A.M."

'Ms Brown, I think I need a bigger desk!'

'Humpty Dumpty hit a wall, and all the kings' men and all the kings' motorcycles' couldn't put him back together again.'

"With all that tinkering do you really save time?"

"There was a lot of tension between his ergonomics and his feng shui."

"I've just been spiffing up my image a bit."

"When the dust settles we're all going to be very dusty."

'That's what I hate about Rental Boats.'

'This is Billy...my caddy and designated putter.'