Occult Pillows

'Fortunes, Impressions, Hunches, Wild Guesses'

"Oh, sorry—I think I just butt-summoned you."

'OK, so he's not praying to God but at least he's taking an interest in religion.'

'Now he wants to talk? Five years I've been gone. What kind of son waits five years to contact his mother?'

'I sense that someone is about to swindle you.' 'Wow, thanks for the warning! How much do I owe you?'

Amateur Palmist

'How much do you weigh?'

'I see a palm...A palm crossed with silver...'

Bad Rhymes

'You have a lovely cackle.'

"I feel like our ritual Illuminati death orgies have become routine Illuminati death orgies."

"So, is this a date with destiny?"

'I've forgotten the author and title - do you read minds?'

'He's not there at the moment so please leave a message.'

"...He appears to have stepped away from his body."

Warlock reads book entitled; 'The Joy of Sects'.

'I'd say your financial future is looking bright.'

'Just ignore your father - he's been dabbling in the occult again....'

Aura Ashley - Mediumwear.

Ill next Thursday

"Believe me, you're not the first person who thought they were getting a deal by buying generic."

"This had better be important! I was in the middle of Antiques Roadshow..."

Can't you just text me..?

Paranormal A-Z...

Love Potion Sale

"Is there anybody there..?" Knock once for 'yes' and twice for 'no'..."

"Hey, that's what everyone thinks about the strategic planning department! I've got a crystal ball and we all study the occult! Hah Hah Hah!..."

Crystal ball tells fortune teller: 'He's screwed.'

'We really need to upgrade our Pharmacy!'

Sorcery weapon

'I need to tell Edgar...our house sold for a million two.'

"Must we have ten minutes blasphemy every night?"

"Yo, give me 666!"

"The fact that you're here means you will continue to make poor life decisions."

"My mind is plenty open, Grandma. But not so much that my brain falls out."