Observing Modern Life Prints

"Have you been waiting long?"

"Couldn't you have just laughed instead of spelling 'LOL' in your alphabet soup?"

"Could you go back to the front desk? The receptionist has some forms for you to fill out."

"Who's taking my order—the committee of the whole, or is there a liaison for decaf?"

"Would you like to keep eighty-seven tabs open?"

Crap from the future.

"Do you want to be vaguely dissatisfied with Italian or Korean?"

"Nature speaks to me of God’s presence, yet God is a total stranger to the restless world of men." "Why the #!@* is there no signal?!"

"Here's something called "The Fifty Greatest Countdown Shows Ever!""

"I cancelled the cable, turned off the phone, shut down the internet. . . where the hell am I??"

"My monthly screen time went up from 62 hours to ‘Holy #@!*’."

Selfie Stick

"Hang on. Mommy's just checking to see if she's still relevant to the outside world."

"I feel like pushing the envelope this morning, honey, starting with a little grape jelly for that bran muffin."

Weird things I do because of the internet

"Did you get my tweet?"

Super Strength, Impervious to Bullets And Explosions

"Day 4,261... I don’t know how much longer I can survive. Still no signs of civilization. Food is scarce and I fear the wound on my ankle is infected. Still, all this pales in comparison to the horror of having to be anywhere at any particular time."

The prophet who changed water into diet grapefruit soda.

The Evolution Of Man.

"Freshly ground pepper?"

Tunnel of TV

'This is suppose to be progress.'

"I didn't say my prayers, but I e-mailed God earlier."

"She married and then divorced, and then she married and divorced, and then she married and lived happily ever after."

"I now pronounce you man and couch."

"How is it gendered?"

"The club scene is really changing."

"Nd how did tht mke u feel?"

Typical bored kid of the New Millennium

"Of course, the actual honey is all made overseas."

"Teenagers! Everyone try to look cool!"

"The way you look at me, Craig... you really see me."

"Can you reinvent the classic grilled cheese for me?"

"Hi, I'd like to add you to my professional network on LinkedIn."