Ob-gyns Pillows

'It's a chicken.'

"I see that he is growing as fast as your law firm."

"His first out-of-body experience."

"We've made great progress!"

"Great! I must be growing. The womb was less than half full last week."

The cell phone soother for life.

"I only travelled with my umbilical cord!"

A midwife holding a baby

'Don't worry. It's never too hot or never too cold.'

Pregnant lady being greeted by foetus.

"There's your son's heartbeat, and over here is the app he's developing."

"The doctor wanted me to let you know that everything is fine, but your c-section didn't go quite as planned. it was more like a 'K' section..."

"No wonder babies are born screaming. I haven't had a wink of sleep since the exit light came on!"

"Same old same old. How about you?"

"No, the cordless embryo isn't available."

"That's all I get? A sonogram? No tracking number?"

Giving birth with your husband present may be more painful.

"Remember, pregnancy is like taking an exciting thrill ride at an amusement park only the seats are larger."

'I'm keeping a scrap book. All I've got so far is one umbilical cord.'

"The amnio's fine, the sex is male, and the name is Wade."

'and remember delivery is free if it happens in a half hour!'

"I'd better enjoy this while I can. It's the only home I'll own without a mortgage!"

No kicking: 12-6 Mon-Sun

'As you can see, it's too late for a termination...Baby is capable of surviving outside the womb...'

Next gen pregnancy tests.

"Aah! Bless! Look at him on his I-pad!"

"Congratulations! It's a bitch!"

"We didn't want to know the gender in advance."

The obstetrician doesn't need a close catcher...

Doctor performing an ultrasound on a Russian nesting doll

'Grandma, does the hospital charge by the pound when people have babies?'

'Do I like kids? You bet I do: I deliver babies for a living...'

"...for a canal I thought that was unusually short."

"Congratulations—It's a well dressed boy."

'I'm sorry. It looks like your insurance company doesn't cover pre-existing life.'