Nutritional Enthusiast Pillows

'It appears that 'reduced fat' means high fat, 'lo-fat' means plenty of fat, and 'fat-free' means some fat.'

'If you give up alcohol, cigarettes, sex, red meat, cakes and chocolate, and don't get too excited, you can enjoy life for a few more years yet.'

Dietician to man: 'To address your spare tire we must first get in touch with your inner tube.'

"Things are still a little rough for me, and occasionally I lose hope and get depressed—but I'm getting stronger every day."

"Where do we put Desserts?"

"Your contents have shifted."

'I'm ninety-two! Tell me what I'm doing wrong... I dare you!"

Good Cop/Bad Cholesterol

"Today we'll be performing some much needed maintenance on Miss Trimbles weak pelvic floor."

"Your bad cholesterol is trying to persuade your good cholesterol to switch sides."

"If you'd only come to me sooner I wouldn't have had to go to lunch."

"Winter is coming, and there will be months without much sunshine, so it's important that you take your vitamin D supplement Darling..."

Studies show foods work miracles!

"Can you come back? We're still counting carbs."

'It's perfectly normal for middle-aged men to put on a little weight.'

'If you want to live a long time, try not to do anything that will kill you.'

"That's it young man. . . No more energy drinks for you!"

'Notice how with truth in packaging requirements all the labels begin with ‘OMG!''

"You can't compare apples and oranges because oranges have longer legs."

"What do you mean 'sitting is the new smoking'? I thought fat was the new smoking?"

"His mother had a great influence on him. She always made him eat his fruits and vegetables."

All Natural Nothing

'Your reflexes are still good!'

Kid with 'Little Wellness Facilitator' kit

'You need to stay away from the pie in the sky.'

"Can Johnny come out and eat?"

"Daddy, you have to flatten this curve."

"When you've lost fifteen pounds...that's when the refrigerator gets returned!"

'Good news. Your cholesterol has stayed the same, but the research findings have changed.'

'We're all out of flu vaccine - how about something for anxiety...?'

'It's the only known prevention for swine flu...Big bad wolf serum...'

"I'll faithfully follow any diet plan as long as you also prescribe medical marijuana."

Begin this high fiber diet slowly. Too fast and your co-workers may complain of a greenhouse effect.

Institute of Health next to Alternative medicine dept

Corona Funeral