Nursing Narratives Enthusiast T-Shirts

'This get well card is from the nurses you have been complaining about.'

"Too bad about old Ainsworth. Published and published, but perished all the same."

"It's a heck of a tale...and well told, but we don't publish resumes."

"...and I, Pastor Smith...preaching to you now from this pulpit, speak to you from experience about the 'strong-willed' child...BELIEVE me!"

"When was the last time anyone checked on Mr Klink."

'Like it? I LOVED it! The narrative gripped me from the first sentence and didn't let go until the final, heart-stopping page! And the CHARACTERS! Without question, Harris, this is the finest year-end financial report you've ever written!'

"You need the toilet. . . hang on I think I've got an app for that."

'Mummy, the review of this book was more interesting.'

"I have to get up for mine 3 or 4 times a night!"

"Which one goes down his bronchial tract and which one goes up his arse?"

"Now you're just being a jerk!"

"I realise that it shows a lack of maturity .. But I like baby talk."

Guy on island sees giant ship in bottle.

Toni Morrison

Rudy, I loved your memoir. It was fascinating. The way you overcame huge odds to invent the computer. How you went on to protect us from government surveillance. You know none of it's true. The way you swore yourself to humility. People so want to believe a good story.

'Well done troops: Spring is over, we can have a break now...'

"Tell us again — a little less graphic."

"Well, if you don’t want to discuss exposure, drowning or sharks, what do you want to talk about?"

Some people have their own methods of dealing with a shortage of nurses

'How am I ever going to be able to practice my first aid if you insist on using an electric razor?'

"You know, it's a picture book. Needless to say, it doesn't have a lot of narrative scope."

'Read me the one about the three homeless little pigs.'

Solemn reference is made to Mr. Bunsby

Great literary festival heckles.

"I love my unreliable narrator. You?"

Florence Nightingale

"I'd like to request a transfer from the children's ward."

"Your life's story lacks a protagonist."

Unreliable Narrator

'Congratulations, it's a boy!'

'Death doesn't frighten me, but the night nurse does...'

'Spinach: The Prequel'

'Bad case of credit crunch, I'm afraid. . . So we'll have to slowly introduce you to a diet of cash.'

"Relax. You're a famous author - no one expects you to talk about anything other than yourself."

"Have you considered writing this story in the third monkey rather than the first monkey?"