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'That's the last time I'll organise a picnic for that bunch of t*****s.'

The little old lady who lived in a shoe looks into a mobile home.

'When the bough broke, how much was the daycare center sued for?'

"Three Hysterically Blind Mice"

"I said in my ad that I was short and stout."

"Jack be nimble..." The later years "Ta-da! *hic* " "Butt's on fire again."

'I'm just here on a lay-over.'

'The cow jumped over the Moon? -- What was SHE on?'

Lanky men and chubby women work at 'Sprat Industries'.

"Again! Don't all the king's men have more important things to do than put together a foolish egg?"

"And the last little piggy cried, 'Oui, oui, oui' all the way home."

"Go ahead and eat her, she's a pain in the a**."

'Houston, I'm prepared to land...'

CSI: Mother Goose Unit...'Hmmm...I'm beginning to suspect that perhaps mister Dumpty's demise wasn't simply a tragic accident.'

Round up all the king's horses and all the king's men for questioning.

"Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a pail of water. Jack fell down, broke his crown and Jill said 'I told you so'."

'Are you made of sugar?'

Baby's first thought...Daddy's a moron.

"The spoon, he ran away with the goddam spoon."

The Hey Diddle Diddle Orchestra

"You're lost. This is Mom's apple pie."

"Well, that one got away."

'Listen up, Baskerville! This is MacDonald! Those hounds of yours are scaring the E-I-E-I-O out of my animals!'

'She barely made it out of the atmosphere... next!'

"You'll have to help out here more. I pulled a hammy jumping over the moon."

"A whack, whack here. A whack, whack there. Here a whack, there a whack. Everywhere a whack, whack."

'Henrietta is so self-confident.'

Old Lady in shoe driving a footie (sock) car.

"So, when he says, 'What a good boy am I,' Jack is really reinforcing his self-esteem."

Humpty Dumpty goes bungee jumping.

Old Mother Goose Nursery Rhymes

Rockabye Baby- $10/hour.

'You were right Doc: Jumping over the monn did boost my self esteem!'

'Do I like kids? You bet I do: I deliver babies for a living...'

"Only one pailful? Did they have water restrictions like we do?"