Nurse Enthusiasts T-Shirts

'I don't know if I'll ever be perky again.'

"It was better before God took up knitting."

"Nurse, when I asked you to make the patient more comfortable I just meant plump up his pillows!"

"When was the last time anyone checked on Mr Klink."

'I'm knitting a scarf for my son.'

'Thanks, but I don't expect you to chew my food for me.'

"You knew I was hooked when you married me!"

"You need the toilet. . . hang on I think I've got an app for that."

"Only three hundred and sixty-seven followers? Maria's not an asset to the abbey."

Mary Margaret, the best bar nun.

'Let me though! - I'm a Doctor.'

NHS Efficiency Drive

Orthopedics. Pediatrics. Stuff they never taught your in nursing school.

'Four years of medical school and three years of residency, and you come bothering me with the sniffles?'

"Don't let old age get you down. It's too difficult to get up again."

"Don't just stand there gawping women! Give me a hand with my monthly salary!"

Some people have their own methods of dealing with a shortage of nurses

'How am I ever going to be able to practice my first aid if you insist on using an electric razor?'

'She's seen a man wandering round in his underpants!'

Sheep Knitting.

Give it to me straight, Doc — what's the bottom line?

"Welcome to Mom's place. I'll be your waitress, dishwasher, and cook tonight..."

"Whose turn is it to be the patient?"

'It'll be a disaster...you've no experience in Forward-facing reorganisation target setting prioritisation strategic planning.'

Florence Nightingale

"I'd like to request a transfer from the children's ward."

MPIG: 'There that's better...'

The treatment is the same on the NHS...

Medical insurance reminder

"I'm thinking of signing up for the postcode lottery."

'I figured out why we have six times as many babies in here as usual. Nine months ago was when the cable TV was out for five straight days.'

When we're first born, they clean up our drooling. When we can't swim, they help with our pooling. When halloween comes, they take us ghouling. When homework gets tough, they aid with our schooling. When it gets hot, they make sure we're cooling. Moms are the best! We thank you, no fooling!

You're doing flowers for a sweet 16 party? Whose is it? I can't say, sweetie. The details are secret. Anyway, I don't know who's invited. Tree's Tree Nursery. Awesome. My dad goes to hotter parties than I do. Mulch.

DOH to encourage PCTs to set up walk-in centres.

The Bowling Family