Numerical Humor Enthusiast Pillows

"Good evening, sir. Table for two?"

'What I don't understand is how all three of us managed to get the figures wrong!'

A=Pi r 2, 'All this stuff about 'pie are square' makes me HUNGRY!'

Staff Yearbook

'According to our fact finding committee, our stock won't be worth a dime this quarter.'

Us. Everyone else. My research shows that we are the only statistics company sill using pie charts displayed on an easel.

"Actually, the job calls for someone who is convex."

'But if you need someone for the intangibles...'

Computation Lite, 13 Computations Than Our Regular Formulas.

'The batteries in my calculator just died. Good thing I kept the instructions on how to count on my fingers.'

'If your cell phone has five hundred minutes, and you use one of them during this class, how long will you be in detention?'

"My homework? It was super easy today. I drew a dragon and daddy did Math."

'According to my calculations, George, you don't exist. You... don't... exist. George. I'm going to have to ask you to leave.'

'This red line indicates the change in this red line over a period of time,'

Complimentary angles make the other angles feel good about themselves.

'Oh, we don't actually teach math any more ? we found it was too hard on the kids' self-esteem.'

'I don't know if you're a mathematician but my wife's not happy with her Poisson distribution.'

The geometry of everyday life

With the aid of an abacus, Elizabeth Barrett Browning counts the ways.

'Hell's freezing over. The only thing I can figure is that Professor Crenshaw finally traded in his slide rule for a calculator.'

Mobius Comic Strip.

"Profits are up 20%, but unfortunately costs are up 50%."

'If they weren't so damned good we might feel a bit more excited about the figures.'

"Pi and mash squared please."

The irony is that Euclid himself is way out of shape.

'We're going to need a bigger basket.'

'The good news is we've readjusted our expectations.'

'I used to be dull and boring then, one day, I discovered accountancy.'

"I'm sorry, Sam, but all of this doesn't add up to a hill of beans."

"The new tax software is a real eye opener. Every misguided, impulsive purchase I made for the business last year really pops and sizzles in a visual data format!"

'My husband always loves your Poisson distribution - it's something to do with being a mathematician.'

Hillary's New Math

"You know what we call a number that won't sit still?"

"Is x the wrong angle?"

A Wrecked-angle.