Nuclear Negotiation Nerd T-Shirts

The Centrifuge

"And need I remind you, the 'art of the deal' is the lifeblood of this company."

"Tariffs love me...tariffs love me not..."

'I'll make my final decision on that promotion of yours, after this game.'

"Then we have an unspoken agreement?"

'You think I'm crazy; I think you're crazy...finally some common ground!'

Tug of Negotiation and Conciliation.

'Pick a contract...any contract!'

'Negotiations have reached an impasse, legal recommends we resort to violence.'

'Miss Finch, find out what she does over there and offer her twice as much to do it over here.'

'Maybe you should reconsider those place cards, Ms Harris?' (Negotiation talks/Good Guys/Bad Guys)

"Already sold your soul to the company? Listen, I'll have my people talk to their people."

"Have your people call my people."

"Let me get this, but keep in mind that you'll pay for it in other, more subtle ways later on."

"So do I take it that's a 'NO' to the pay rise?"

"Finally we have something in common...mutual distrust."

"Then he slammed the door on me!" "Not the closing you were hoping for."

'Remember, before entering, make sure you wipe your feet on the hazmat.'

'Credit being what it is, I'm sure you won't mind if we see your 200,000 cattle first...'

"And when the extended warranty kicks in, we send you a big can of new car smell."

"Before we begin, we'd like to remind you that we're an employee owned company."

"And keep in mind that the only stupid question is the one that isn't asked. Discussion?"

"Just to get the negotiations off on the right foot, I don't intent to concede anything."

"Before we start our wages negotiation talks, the lads would like to congratulate the chairman on his 83% salary increase."

"Your interest in the salary makes me wonder how 'self-motivated' you really are."

'My final offer.'

"I'm glad to see we're all on the same page, but let's try not to tear it."

'Sir, for Heavens' sake, stop screaming! It's just Mr Winkleberger asking for a raise!'

"You gave me the wrong drink. I demand a total refund!!" "OK. Where's the drink?" "What do you mean? I drank it. It wasn't till I was done that I realized it was the wrong drink. The right drink leaves a different aftertaste." "You can't finish the drink and then ask for a refund. That's not how it works." "You didn't tell me that before I paid for the wrong drink. So that's on you." "That's not how it works!"

'If negotiations sour, throw a handful in his eyes.'

"The union is objecting to our 'grotesquely inflated' wages, do you think they'd settle for 'outrageously inflated' instead?"

After the latest pay bonus and benefit awards you've won, I've decided to join you on the shop floor.

"I'd quite forgotten about global thermonuclear war."