Nuclear History Buffs Pillows

Power fart!

"Hold on, I'll make that coffee to go!"

"Maybe the next one will be a singles cruise."

Vote Centrist to Keep Things Exactly as Awful as They Are

'Alone for the weekend at last!'

1847 - Bram Stoker, creator of Dracula was born in Dublin.

"I know we just met, but all I got is a twenty-four-hour pass!"

"I've come across a rather disturbing find, Carstairs!"

"Don't tell me we're eating Paleo again."

'Shoot, this is nothing, you should have seen how good we had it back in ancient Egypt.'

Sundial Time

'He took from the rich and gave to the poor? It sounds like wealth redistribution.'

The First Fire Stick

"Waiter, there's a weapon of mass destruction in my soup!"

"I can never remember - do these go in garbage or compost?"

'Too late...looks like they've already been pillaged.'

Castle, Cafe + Gift Shop.

'I'd think you'd be used to having a moat by now.'

Lord George brings news of the debate

"I plan to read the constitution this weekend. Is it long?"

King on the toilet whilst jester laughs because the toilet paper is out of reach.

"It's World Cup Soccer, Tia Carmen. The U.S. vs England."

"We have plenty of time to catch the ark."

The Evolution Of Man.

"A Bill of Rights? - Don't you TRUST me?"

I just made up that part. It should really throw people for a loop if they find this place thousands of years from now!

It started friendly enough...'I'm Henry VIII, my dear, but you may call me 'Hank'.'

"Don't make me pull over this mammoth!"

'NO, it DOESN'T come on DISC!'

Our Founder picture of a caveman: 'We're a very, very old firm.'

This Is What Moral Corruption Looks Like

Ask Sadie Advice Hour. What's your problem?! I don't want to vaccinate my kids. But my husband does. What do I do? Excellent question. It reminds me of the time Mother Cohen and Father Cohen were arguing about vaccinating us kids. Father Cohen accused her of being a pawn of the Illuminati's attempt to use diphtheria to mutate us into ape-people. Mother Cohen accused him of being anti-Darwinian. That's when Father Cohen brought up her illicit fling with Chuck Darwin, and all heck broke loose. Um

"De l'huile bouillante, pas du fromage fondu!"

The Wright brothers discover the first nightmare flight

'Sure, real estate prices are sky-high, but kings don't sell their castles, and that's that.'