Novocaine Navigator Pillows

"FYI that the novocaine will numb the pain caused by the drill but won’t help with the pain caused by the overhead adult contemporary music."

'Are you sure that's the right map?'

'The church says the Earth is flat, but I know that it is round for I have seen the shadow on the Moon, and I have more faith in a shadow than in the Church.'

Books: Novels, Short-Stories, Tall Tales.

"I think I've figured out why we can't find the marina."

'Are we there yet?'

"A journey of a thousand miles begins with a MAP, actually."

"He was the one everyone called 'The Greatest.' Then one day, a stranger turned up in town."

'AHH, here it is! At the next intersection, turn left, then cough, following that, turn right, then cough...' WHEN DOCTORS NAVIGATE.

"Yes, Jane Lyons, sitting next to Katy Jones, class of 2018, it is important for a writer to know her audience."

"For just one monkey in front of one typewriter you've come up with some amazing stuff."

"I am not asking for directions."

'The dripping keeps me awake!'

Titanic: How's my steering.

Battery Lighthouse

'He refuses to leave without the tree and their son.'

"Well - I've either bought a pack of table napkins, or adopted a Siberian tiger cub..."

Electronics: Nooks/Crannies

'That's hydroplaning for ya.'

"It's publish or perish, and he hasn't published."

"Perhaps you wouln't have declared so many places 'worth a detour' if you'd held the map right way up!"

"Who should we have at eye level this month?"

'I told you not to rely on the sat-nav.'

'The landscape is continually shifting Son, so you have to learn to navigate by the Sun and the stars...'

"Yeah, I have a GPS, but I have no idea where 120 degrees longitude and 80 degrees latitude is."

"According to the map, we should be nearing the North Pole, but something tells me we’ve been reading the map upside down."

"For pity's sake, George - stop tooting and ask for directions!"

Meet the Shameless Self-Promoter 2 PM

"You are here"

"Look lively crew, lest we be dashed upon these scrumptious shores."

'Captain, there's someone pissing in the hold!'

"With the benefit of hindsight, I’d say no, Ed, it wasn’t ‘funny’ letting him steer the boat!"

"A storm rages from the East - tell the men to get below and snuggle up for movie night."

'In my experience, life is good most of the time, but come the holidays, they look at me as if I'm a nuisance...'