Novelty Joke Collector T-Shirts

'Let's get this straight: either you talk, or we send you to the surface in a polystyrene overcoat.'

"Waitress, have you smoked salmon..?"

'A burp or a fart, I can excuse, but throwing up a pellet of fur and bones? That's gross dude!'

"I've done this procedure so often I could do it in my sleep. But that's only happened twice – that I'll admit to."

"It's OK, I'm preordained."

'Oh man I've got a splitting headache.'

The Rooster Comedian.

Password Error: Snow White and the seven dwarfs not recognised as eight characters.

'Amscray,fuzzbrain - no carnivores allowed

Suffering from Cooties?

"Well, that certainly killed my buzz."

Job Vacancy: Human cannonball. Applicants must of the right calibre

Useless add-ons.

'Yeah, I agree: It's hard to impress females by looking virile and strong when you're all pink...'

Irritable trowel syndrome.

'Why would anyone order a pint of stoat?'

"They're not Levi Strauss - they're not Levi Tate."

"I know my drinking limits.The problem is that I can never reach them - I simply fall down."

"...and she said 'MOO!'"

'The funny part is that the aerial was fine -- the TV set was just unplugged!'

'Looks like somebody needs to lay off of the authentic angel food cake!'

Mexican Jumping Balls.

Man takes picutre of other man holding up huge worm at Bait Shop.

Psychiatrist - "Doctor, I keep imagining I'm being followed by an impersonator."

'Alphabet soup? What's alphabet?'

Told you...Nonsense compulsive disorder.

Cheating Death.

"I must insist on my lawyer present."

'Finish your homework first, Og... then you can watch the wall.'

Shark infested custard!

My daddy ate my homework

"Turn your head and cough."

'Take one of these three times a day until you start to feel better.'

'What does coincide mean?' 'It's what you do when it starts to rain.'

'This prescription will stimulate your funny bone which will cause you to laugh. We both know that laughter is the best medicine.'