Nose Hair Expert Gifts

I've had allergies all my life. How about you, Randy? Never, little buddy. HOJ. A speck of pollen once tried to enter my left nostril but was swiftly humbled by my natural defenses. I come from a long line of Randies who were gifted with nose hairs that have the tensile strength of iron and the stopping-power of barbed wire. Word quickly spread from pollen to pollen, and now they never even dare. If Obamacare covers nose-hair transplants, would you be willing ... ?

'The hair specialist is down the hall.'

We micro-grafted all the hairs from the back of your head to the top and now we've completely covered your bald spot.'

"Okay! Okay! It's a draw!"

"I noticed a few browns."

The Organic

'Still workin' on the beard, Jerry?'

"Look on the bright side – the Rogaine worked!"

The Hair Stylist of Seville

"It's not a moustache kiddo: It's nasal hair..."

"I'm thinking considerably longer. How about you, Alan?"

Facial hair continental drift.

He wants to be a plastic surgeon when he grows up.

'Now Gregory needed an investor to take his Gentlemen's Lavatory Tongs from dream to reality.'

Can I ask you a question, man-to-man? Sure, little buddy. What do "man-to-man talks" usually consist of? What? I've never really had one, I don't think. What usually goes into them? Sports? Shaving? Carburetors? A little of this, a little of that. There's a proper ratio, of course. I'm not good at math.

'It's easy to follow the No Deodorant Kid.'

"Reduce my ears? No, I want to make my nose bigger!"

"FYI, we still practice brown nosing here."

"Get out of that chair! Frank and Bernice will be here in an hour and I really don't want to spend half of that time cleaning cat hair off the furniture."

'I like doing shampoos, it gets your hands clean.'

Plastic Surgeon Kid

'I woke up today and decided to upgrade my image.'

"It means I don’t give a flying fuck."

Plastic surgeon's here.

'Mmm...it's got a good nose on it.'

"Oops."

"Fixing bad dye jobs was my specialty in cosmetology school. Too bad after all those years, I perfected just one style..."

'Do you have anything for extra-dry hair?'

Hairdresser: 'NEW look?! OHH i'm TERRIBLY sorry Ma'am! I thought you said you wanted a GNU look!'

'Why is it women spend hours plucking their eyebrows...then spend hours penciling them back in again!'

'Just relax! Vince is the best nose man in all of boxing. He'll have it back where it belongs in no time.'

"He's got his Daddy's nose."

"So how long does it take for your hair to grow?"

"We can do hair plugs, but did you know today we're having a sale on solar panels?"

Why People With Long Noses Shouldn't Smoke.