Nose For Baseball Gifts

What McWit lacks in speed he gains in nose.

Mr. Metamorphosis: "At least this better than waking up as a cockroach."

Life with a professional baseball catcher.

'Look around, son. See if there's one you like. But remember: These are abandoned players, unwanted by their teams - so they might come with some psychological baggage.'

Radar Gun Readings at Baseball Stadium

'I'm not abandoned. I'm a free agent.'

'Thou shalt not steal...except for bases.'

"They’re baseballs. You throw ’em."

"Lordy, I am such a klutz!"

"I was sent down to the minors and from there to Europe, and one thing just led to another."

"Damn those dugout Martinis!"

"Who plays ball with the Dalai Lama?" "That's right." "What's right?" "Who plays ball with the Dalai Lama." "Why are you asking me?"

Bobby's pitching coach told him to put some stank on the ball.

Perils of the double play.

The Other Cooperstown

'Let's give it five more minutes. If they haven't eased up on the lasers by then, we'll have to postpone the game.'

Bases loaded, no outs. And coach once again turns to his trusty golden reliever.

'Unbelievable, these guys brought a ringer.'

'I shoulda told you guys. . . Marmaduke makes up his own rules as we go along.'

"He's got great velocity but his trajectory needs work."

Currently Boston

Zeus injects himself with steroids before throwing lightning bolts

"All this pitching and hitting- I'm convinced there's a deeper meaning to it all."

"The good news is...you've one less window to wash."

"Whaddya want for nineteen mil?"

"I thought it was a strike, Troy—but ask your mother."

"Because when you're drafted by the pros, you'll have to be able to sign your contract. That's why you have to attend first grade."

Vendor selling testosterone.

'We went generic. The players' salaries are affordable.'