Noir Film Buff Gifts

'My 'friends' here are wondering if I could get an advance on my salary.'

"I spy with my little eye something black and dark."

"Who, Big Sal? Sure, we were in cahoots years ago, but we fell out of cahoots."

'We've got all the time in the world, Repetto, so why don't we start with your childhood memories?'

'Big Tony said I'll be sleeping with the fishes. I think he's gonna take me to an aquarium!'

'He really wanted to get into the zombie role, so he became a Meth-Head actor.'

"For the best picture not having won anything thereby being eliminated from this category..."

Screenwriters pitch movie to studio boss: 'It's a reinterpretation of Bicycle Thieves, that classic of Italian neo-realism. We're calling it, Dude, Where's My Chopper?'

Benedict Cumberbatch

The Ray Bradbury classic, 'The Car Alarm.'

"Do you see yourself becoming a movie in five years?"

Producer, Director and Novelizer.

Herman Mankiewicz

Men looking at black screen, "I call it film noir"

No-Work Orange

"It was years ago, for a nature documentary, and they said it was going to be very artistic."

Stand-up Romcom

Cut!

Working in the Hazard Zone!

"I like movies that resemble my life, so I don't feel like I'm wasting time watching a movie."

"I thought they were cracking down on jaywalking."

"I'm sorry, we're looking for the voice of a spunky animated turnip and your reading is more fruit than vegetable if you understand what I mean."

'There's nothing on.'

Reese Witherspoon

Candid Camera store.

Sign in book shop window: 'Critics agree the book is much better than the movie.'

Time Machine Collision

Tarzan of the damn dirty apes.

The star hunters

'Enough already. It's a car, not a transporter.'

"I'm just a girl, standing in front of a buoy..."

"The following film has been formatted to fir the screen of the newer and more expensive television set."

"Say hello to my little friend."

Standard endings for sci-fi movies...

'This is the worst film noir I've ever seen.'