Newspaper Columnist Pillows

Miss Manners: Inappropriate and Appropriate.

Squeezing the Free Press.

It soon became apparent that the vicar was an undercover journalist.

News: Deaths! Deaths! Deaths!

"Damn - another letter to the editor."

"Your usually vicious sarcasm is weak. Go pump some irony."

The writer: something who devotes a lifetime of solitude to the same of communication.

Trump Poutine

'Maybe fruit flies don't have souls.'

Rumors, lies and innuendo.

Freedom of Speech

'You've been killing files again.'

'I suppose that's where things get ironed out.'

"What kind of politician would I be if I didn't politicize this crisis?"

"Political cartoons that make people think? Are you crazy? We don't want to distract our readers from the weather forecast, the horoscope and the advertisements!"

"I'll have my article pulled together in no time."

The Original Gossip Columns

'If they're so darn 'fair and balance,' why are all the reporters people?'

"Tell me again. Is this guy the newsman or the newsmaker?"

The Daily Fury

Will Self deprecation

'Instead of nagging you, Walter, I've decided to write a syndicated column!'

"Three years running 'fake news' websites? You're just what we're looking for!"

'Read ALL about IT! In other less TRASHIER Newspapers!'

"Wait a minute. Where am I going? I'm a writer."

'Ed' 'Op-ed'

'This week's column is going to be about Writer's Block, and it's...'

'Oh great,,, More protesters getting on our case about how the magazine industry creates 'unrealistic standards' for the human body,'

"Get me some valium please, Miss Minster - I've just been stranded in the lift with the agony aunt!"