News Snarker Prints

This is Lenny the leopard with the on-the-spot news.

Danae's Career Plans: 'The major product manufactured today is punditry, so I'm honing my argumentative skills to work my way to the top of the blow hard industry..my goal is to become a spin ninja...'

Newspaper suicide.

"I'm not spinning - I'm contextualizing."

The North Portico of the White House runs away crying.

'Mark my words! Our enemies will test this young guy with a huge international crisis as soon as he's electe! But don't worry, he'll be fine!', 'Come here, Joe -- let me give you a nice fist bump!'

"So—who are you angry at currently?"

Business News.

Corporate Greed.

"According to my phone, society is on the brink of collapse, but, according to our living room, things seem pretty O.K."

'Which channel would you like to tut at tonight?'

Fake News - Tabloid News - State-run News - Free Press

"Good evening. In today's top story, my book has jumped to Number Three on the best-seller list."

'Stocks rose, then dropped on news that life is full of highs and lows.'

'Our ratings are down. Let's blame it on the media.'

I'm in the den mom, reading the newspaper for social studies class.

"This is not good at all!"

'That damn racial scandal.'

NEWS WEATHER SPORTS

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Celebrity anagrams: Is a salt water rat (Answer: Alastair Stewart)

"D'you have any porn porn?"

'Trading was active in rumors, today...'

We can't hear you! We can't see you! We can't hear you!

"It's five post meridiem in Central Europe. Compliled form the major networks the news is next."

'Here's veteran pundit Edwin Shrock to sound off og whether any other pundits actually know what they're talking about...'

'Forget about 'who,what,when,where,why,how'...Instead 'Will it sell papers...attract advertisers?'

'Ed' 'Op-ed'

'... and in a startling development, 5 Supreme Court decisions were overturned by Judge Judy...'

"A Ms. Ramona Bissell of West Allison, Vermont, writes, 'What the hell is going on?' We here at WVCN think that question deserves an answer."