News Pundit T-Shirts

'In a five to four decision today, the Supreme Court said 'Leave us alone, and we'll leave you alone.''

Vernon Trunick with the 3 O'Clock Report

"Hear ye! Hear ye! Look, having nuclear - my uncle was a great professor and scientist and engineer, Dr. John Trump at M.I.T. - good genes, very good genes, O.K., very smart. . ."

"I'm draining the swamp. Why?"

Exit Strategy

Priti Patel

"So what kind of mood is he in?"

"Oh, I'll be bi-partisan alright, punishing both sides of the aisle."

Hate Platforms

In the Guru District

'Can't they just switch to smaller barrels?'

'To most people, 1984 is just a novel; around here it's our instruction manual.'

"You may have been the victim of a mis-sold PFI contract."

CEO du Jour

Difference of Opinion

"We're suing you under equal opportunities legislation for failure to represent our rights"

'Thank heavens! For a minute there I thought it was the news!'

"Whoever made Keir Starmer did a sound professional job."

"Well, at least it's an improvement from last night."

Library - Political Science section - 'What to do until the spin doctor comes'

'I look forward to a bigger and bolder vision in my 2nd term.'

Where does it all end up?

"Mom, I'm bored. Do you know something I can get hysterical and panicky about?"

"Gas. Regular. Premium. Super. You don’t want to know."

"Basically, your new job here at the Treasury Department implementing the bailout is simple, Grayson, just grab and armful of money and run..."

"That's not a knife crime initiative. That's a knife crime initiative!"

"Nous somme desir-eh, go, er, allez, erm, universitaire français, s'il vous plait."

'I'm sorry. It looks like your insurance company doesn't cover pre-existing life.'

'I'm afraid the cuts are beginning to bite!'

First you're a law student, then you're a lawyer, then you're a judge, then you're a politician, then you're a criminal.

Obama Healthcare.

"What your memoir really needs is an addiction."

"As I see it, 'Crazy politics' - like not voting on a supreme court nominee - is better than a complete government shutdown."

New company policy...next time you miss a meeting I need a note from a doctor or a subpoena from a judge.

'I'll give your note to my parents but our family policy is to never negotiate with terrorists.'