News Binger Prints

'And now for the (Yawn!) morning report....'

'The satellite photo shows...er...our top secret missile sites...'

Needed Inventions: An Airbag To Protect The Viewer Against A Really Lousy Program.

'There's nothing on.'

"At some point, there's only so high you can raise the volume before you admit you're never gonna understand what British detectives are saying."

'And now on the comedy channel Jose Mourinho's latest outburst.'

Star Wars Audience

"You need to lose 20 cable channels."

'Now that's Real TV!'

"I tried the C25k but prefer the 5k2C"

"Aye, 'tis the elusive Moby Dick!"

"This lockdown is GREAT! - We can spend all day on our computers, eating takeaway junk food and watching crap TV while gambling on our iphones!"

"Can you do battle with him later?... He's watching, 'Game of Thrones'."

Do you go for Hannity or O'Reilly? Tough call. O'Reilly's presence is so big, fearless. Whereas Hannity has a wicked fast tongue and such inner strength. As symbolized externally by his jawline. O'Reilly is so tall. Something strange is happening. Coulter's a bit masculine for my tastes. Ditto. HOJ.

"I watched a Lassie marathon today and realized that I really need to step up my game."

“We thought it was so smart getting the phone out of the bottle, but then it went right for the clickbait.”

'Did I doze off for a couple of years? Since when did cupcakes become a big deal?'

'He ordered those 'natural male enhancements',and now he watches football all the time!'

TV Watch(ing) Dog for sale.

"It's 100% commercials."

'Confused about your future, depressed, lacking confidence, not sure who you can trust...I'd suggest you avoid any election news and watch modern family instead.'

'I wish I'd never seen Lost, now.'

Wordplay: Me.

Unable to get going each day without her dose of Katie Couric, Lois shifted her schedule to be in sync with the star's new evening news job.

'I don't believe in blind dates... the last time I got fixed up I got neutered.'

"This is why the doc said to not binge-watch the Eating Channel!"

"I never said I liked this show...I'm only enjoying it because you hate it."

'This will help you keep track of who's who.'

"Dinner will be ready soon, I hear the pizza truck rounding the corner."

'Not another elimination show!'

"I have a great idea. Come up to my place and we'll watch all 13 episodes of House of Cards!"

'Thanks for tuning in - we'll try to pander to you.'

"I don't believe the "Smart TV" is the one always turning to women's beach volleyball."

English People With Servants Having Problems - On Demand

'This unexpectedly concludes tonight's program -- the sponsor bailed out.'