Newlywed Nostalgia Pillows

I know it was the biggest moment in your life, but honey - our wedding was six months ago.

"Dammit, Pooh - don't let the heffalumps win!"

"I don't know about you, but I'm ready to take this marriage full-throttle."

"I can't wait to introduce you to all the people I used to be friends with, before I started spending all my time with you."

'Is this one of those deals where the names have been changed to protect the innocent?'

'...I now pronounce you man and wife, anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law.'

'Seriously!? ... Well it's apparent I didn't marry a handyman.'

'Take my advice kid. Enjoy yourself now, because once you get married, your free ranging days are over.'

'We're playing I'm a mummy with lots of different daddies!'

"Isn't us talking about how I would never take a ballroom dancing class an activity we're doing together?"

"We're playing doctor and I need 50 cents for my co-pay."

'You should have seen the one that got away!'

'Want to swap imaginary playmates?'

'It doesn't take much to please him these days.'

"Well, who's stupid idea was it to honeymoon on Moonlight bay?!"

Fat Kid 14- Gets re-animated

"Maybe I'm not the best choice to ask if your silly wife cartoons are funny!"

Cheap amusement with... THE HAPPY COUPLE!

The Music Box

Fade to black...

"Ok, I get it, you're happy and you know it. Now quit clapping."

'Mummy, Daddy, this is Dylan. Dylan's ambition is to make conkers a recognized Olympic sport.'

...If sauce has not begun to thicken after 10 minutes, pour contents back into can and wait for your wife to get home.

Creepy Camp Stories.

'Well if you wanted a garden shed made out of wood or brick, then you should have married one of my brothers!'

'It must be love if your sneakers melted!'

'My favorites are the ones dad tells when he gets home late.'

'You were right, Mum - he only wants me for one thing!'

"Marriage and relationships?...That would be under 'Arts and Science'!"

"Does it say 'I'm ovulating'?"

'Oh, you nasty sluggard!'

'My wife likes it when I help out in the kitchen.'

"I'm in real trouble this time -- I broke the house!"

'And here on our left you see the sugary cereal aisle...a real crowd pleaser!'

"You can count on my unloading the dishwasher in any number of alternate timelines. Now whether it occurs in this one..."