Newlywed Humor Appreciator Pillows

Mr and Mrs

'Well, he actually behaved pretty well for the first few minutes of the wedding ceremony....'

"And now, Marla and Dave will text their own vows."

'Okay.. what the hell.'

Try Mediation

Man with lobotomy scar - "Changed my mind."

"If anyone has googled reasons that these two should not be married..."

'Silly me, I brought the wrong book -- You two just swore an oath of celibacy.'

'No, but thanks for asking.'

Bride is angry, as she notices that the groom figure on the cake is drunk.

"I'm sorry, Arthur. I've decided to secede from our marriage."

"Erm, I don't think it meant just before the ceremony!!"

'In sickness and in health, under affordable health care or unaffordable. . .'

Australian wedding, sheep gesturing, 'If there's anybody here who knows why these two should not be wed...'

"It's about time you finished the wall, Herbet...that's your problem, you never finish anything you start!"

'Do you Margaret take Charles to be your etc, etc, etc...just hit the 'I agree' button.'

'And do you, Leslie Farnsworth promise to stop wearing camouflage so that your wife will know where you are?'

"Hang on, I'll get him for you."

"Horace, what are we doing on the same cloud? Our vows said 'till death do us part.'"

"Happy anniversary, dear. How about a second honeymoon?" "Sure. Who with?"

'It started with between-meal snacks -- now he's having between-snack noshes.'

"His note says the bachelor party was so great, he's decided to remain a bachelor."

'Looks like the doctor confirmed my diagnosis. It's not just your bowel. Everything about you is irritable.'

'Do you promise to love her in sickness and in health, for richer or poorer, until one day she decides to bite off your head and eat you.'

"Now that that's over, let me tell you what I'm really like"

"I now pronounce you a joint return."

"... and don't forget to clean out the garage and attic... and the gutters need to be..." "Put a sock in it, Sally. You knew I wasn't an eager beaver when you married me."

"We've only been married three years and she's already giving me gbh of the ear 'oles."

"To begin with, he ate most of the wedding cake..."

Just married.

"I'm afraid it's 'I do' ... not 'Undo'."

'If someone objects to this union, tweet now or forever hold your peace...'

"This is a good start! You both agree that the marriage needs some new spark!"