New Parent Survivalist T-Shirts

"Ahh...He's got wind"

'Well, nurse, it was a bit daft putting me next to this mirror!'

City Zoo: Day Care

"Can I borrow the car keys?"

"Is he talking yet? I was hoping he could help me with my new phone."

'Please tell me you're baby sitting?'

'Why don't they make thumb-flavored baby food?'

Madonna of the Pukes.

'Are you finished eating yet, sweetie?...Guess that answers THAT question!'

“She’s in her abstract expressionism phase.”

A young Don King

Cry babies.

'Br'er Fox said 'I'm going to throw you into the briar patch'...And Br'er Rabbit said, 'Please,please don't taser me!''

baby sweetcorn...

'I told you it would be useful.'

The Baby Walker

'Ahhh...'

'Don't worry. It's never too hot or never too cold.'

"She's been so creative lately."

"Unfortunately, your son swallowed a great deal of industrial adhesive. But don't worry: Epoxy can be cured."

A midwife holding a baby

"I'm sorry, Ms. Cole is busy balancing family and career. Can I take a message and have her call you back?"

Interior design trends for parents....

'You gotta learn to talk, Jeffrey -- it's part of the aging process.'

"You mustn't pull the cat's tail so hard it tugs the head inside, sweetie!"

'They were hoping to gradually introduce him to the pro game, but injuries left them no choice.'

'Still having a hard time finding day care?'

"This is nice, but I can't help but think we forgot something."

'Hi hon! How's the little monster?'

"No, I don’t find it funny that her first words are ‘South Park’!"

Mom! Don't call me abominadorable in front of my friends!

"Guys, can you use your Mommy-doesn't-want-to-know-I-exist voices?"

Baby knocks old lady out with pram toy.

"I'd like to get my hands on whoever coined the phrase 'sleeps like a baby'."

'Another expectant father looking forward to paternity leave.'