New Parent Life Prints

You're on, caller. What's your problem? My baby won't stop crying. How do I get her to stop? What do you mean, "get her to stop"? Your baby's a human being and she already has things she wants to tell you. Crying is the only language she knows. Just hold her, tell her "I hear you" ... ... AND GROW A THICKER SKIN! BABY TEARS AREN'T LITTLE GRENADES, LOSER! I wish she'd just text me like everyone else.

City Zoo: Day Care

"Can I borrow the car keys?"

"Is he talking yet? I was hoping he could help me with my new phone."

'Please tell me you're baby sitting?'

'Why don't they make thumb-flavored baby food?'

Madonna of the Pukes.

“She’s in her abstract expressionism phase.”

'Are you finished eating yet, sweetie?...Guess that answers THAT question!'

A young Don King

Cry babies.

baby sweetcorn...

The Baby Walker

'Ahhh...'

'Br'er Fox said 'I'm going to throw you into the briar patch'...And Br'er Rabbit said, 'Please,please don't taser me!''

'I told you it would be useful.'

'I've had some baby sized clubs made.'

"She's been so creative lately."

"I'm sorry, Ms. Cole is busy balancing family and career. Can I take a message and have her call you back?"

'Don't worry. It's never too hot or never too cold.'

Interior design trends for parents....

A midwife holding a baby

"Unfortunately, your son swallowed a great deal of industrial adhesive. But don't worry: Epoxy can be cured."

"You mustn't pull the cat's tail so hard it tugs the head inside, sweetie!"

'You gotta learn to talk, Jeffrey -- it's part of the aging process.'

'Still having a hard time finding day care?'

Baby knocks old lady out with pram toy.

"Guys, can you use your Mommy-doesn't-want-to-know-I-exist voices?"

When a toddler hands you their ringing toy phone, you answer it!

"I'd like to get my hands on whoever coined the phrase 'sleeps like a baby'."

'They were hoping to gradually introduce him to the pro game, but injuries left them no choice.'

"This is nice, but I can't help but think we forgot something."

'Another expectant father looking forward to paternity leave.'

'Hi hon! How's the little monster?'

"No, I don’t find it funny that her first words are ‘South Park’!"