New Job In Travel Industry Gifts

'I can book your reservations now. I'm checking listings for airline arrivals...departures...bankruptcies...'

Arrivals Departures Bankruptcies

"I thought they just hibernated for the winter."

'Waiter...my entrée fell over.'

The World's Easiest Airport

The World Wide Web.

"Sorry, you're only allowed one carrion."

A private jet takes off

"You have a big check because you had a big wine."

'You're off the plane, Hal. Put the laptop on your desk.'

"Sorry for the wait. Have you guys been here long?"

'Would you like a balloon with that?'

'He must be going economy!'

Rubbish Carousel

"Could you pass me up? I'm in row one."

"Kindly place your seat in the upright position, extinguish all smoking material, fasten your seat belt, tie your tie, and adopt a serious and dignified demeanor."

'I'm just here on a lay-over.'

'I'm happy to report our use of air sickness bags has declined sharply since we quit serving meals.'

"Today we can help herd cattle, go on a nature hike, get a sauna and massage, or go into town and rob the bank."

A Simplified Map Airport Map

'I wouldn't be so concerned if they weren't already sitting in the exit row.'

"Err Stewardess? Do you have a sweet? I think my ears are about to pop."

Airport Toilet Hand Drying Machine

'No tipping please.'

'Such work commitment has to be rewarded: The ticket is free Sir...'

"I never watch the safety demo. If we crash, they'll just save me."

"Excuse me... I think you're in my seat."

'We'd like to start by boarding anyone with hot food they've been waiting to eat on the plane.'

The Problem with the TSA

Overly wordy travel.

'The Princess and the Mint.'

"The captain asks everyone switch their phones to airplane mode -- He wants to go faster."

'If God had meant us to fly, he would have made airline seats big enough to sit in.'

Social Importance: When the maitre d' knows your name.

"Awwe, but just look at that face. Come on, let's let her on!"