New Job In Travel Industry Gifts

'I can book your reservations now. I'm checking listings for airline arrivals...departures...bankruptcies...'

Arrivals Departures Bankruptcies

"I thought they just hibernated for the winter."

'Waiter...my entrée fell over.'

The World's Easiest Airport

'Sir, will that be business or first class?'

The World Wide Web.

"Sorry, you're only allowed one carrion."

A private jet takes off

"You have a big check because you had a big wine."

'You're off the plane, Hal. Put the laptop on your desk.'

"Sorry for the wait. Have you guys been here long?"

'Would you like a balloon with that?'

'He must be going economy!'

Rubbish Carousel

"Could you pass me up? I'm in row one."

'I'm just here on a lay-over.'

"Kindly place your seat in the upright position, extinguish all smoking material, fasten your seat belt, tie your tie, and adopt a serious and dignified demeanor."

"Today we can help herd cattle, go on a nature hike, get a sauna and massage, or go into town and rob the bank."

'I'm happy to report our use of air sickness bags has declined sharply since we quit serving meals.'

A Simplified Map Airport Map

'I wouldn't be so concerned if they weren't already sitting in the exit row.'

"Err Stewardess? Do you have a sweet? I think my ears are about to pop."

Airport Toilet Hand Drying Machine

'Such work commitment has to be rewarded: The ticket is free Sir...'

'No tipping please.'

The Problem with the TSA

"Excuse me... I think you're in my seat."

Megacorp Airlines. "We bring people closer together. And that's just on the plane!

"I never watch the safety demo. If we crash, they'll just save me."

'We'd like to start by boarding anyone with hot food they've been waiting to eat on the plane.'

Overly wordy travel.

'The Princess and the Mint.'

"The captain asks everyone switch their phones to airplane mode -- He wants to go faster."

'If God had meant us to fly, he would have made airline seats big enough to sit in.'