New Job In Public Service Gifts

Startling!

"On a more positive note the guidance we’ve published on the services we can’t provide is published in 37 different languages."

'Am I being too suspicious or do you think it's possible that they're crooked?'

Flags

'...We apologise for any inconvenience this may cause..."

Quality Control

"You may have been the victim of a mis-sold PFI contract."

Washington D.C., Acronym Capital of the World

"What was I thinking?!"

Why Cows Leave Home

'I'm afraid the cuts are beginning to bite!'

Elections

Flat tax - equal burden?

'It's historic that the inauguration of a minority is now routine.'

'Would you like a balloon with that?'

Budget

Pile of top secret files on a train. Man saying 'Is that seat free'

"To be honest, I'm leaving public service so I can make some real money as a talking head on a cable news network."

"Efficiency savings...protect front line services BLAH! BLAH! refocus on core objectives BLAH BLAH!"

'Why don't you start a small business with a loan from a bank?'

I've decided to run for office so I can spend more time away from my family.

Impotent Democracy

Whitehall: Gave honest impartial advice

"Ah, you'll be wanting our red tape department, third door on the left!"

'The government is telling us to get rid of 43% of meaningless targets within the next 6 months!'

'Dalrymple came to us from the public sector.'

'If 'v' is the number of qualified physics teachers, and 'c' is the number of unqualified science teachers, this factor reduces to zero.'

NHS Reforms: See No Evil, Hear No Evil and Speak No Evil.

Funding Cuts for the Arts

Policeman giving paramedics a fine.

Obama.

"Trust me, Son, you do not want to 'grow up to be president.' "

"The bad news is that we've had to cut most of the services. . . The good news is that we can now tell people in 23 languages what we don't do anymore!"

"The government's finance settlement is coming out really late this year!"

'I'm going to be honest about this -- I'm from the Government, and I'm here to bamboozle you.'