New Job At A Corporate Office Pillows

This is the first time I've been on the top management floor.

"The good news is you’re the only one we’re not firing ... the bad news is you’re the only one to run the department."

'Surely you wouldn't want me to laugh at your joke if I didn't think it was funny!'

"I wonder if A.I. will inevitably become as tired and depressed as we are."

"This position has become very important to the company."

"Well, ordinary men have colleagues. Successful men have victims."

'That's our mission statement.'

"I'm expert at sniffing out blame."

'You're my best man, Pomeroy, so I've decided to sell the damn company.'

"Worst case of month-end burnout I ever saw."

21st century water cooler conversations.

"They decided giving out pink slips was too impersonal. So now they're blue."

'Don't think of it as being a yes man, think of it as being an employed man.'

'I vote we hang the darn thing upside down and go home!'

Do Not Resuscitate

"Don't worry about your purchase not working. Everything we sell here is totally non-functional."

"I realize we had to liquidate some assets, but don't you think I'd be more productive if I had a desk?"

Work/Life Balance

Three gates of hell: marriage counseling, investments, company meetings

'He got a raise but not enough to help him clear the fence.'

Areas of the Body Where Stress Can Manifest

Work Parfait

"Rolled-up sleeves, no coat, loose tie...it's my casual confrontational look."

"I drink just enough coffee to make me think I can do my job."

'They sold the company in 2001? I was wondering why things were slow.'

Overworked in the office

"How's your insomnia?" "Bad, I can't even fall sleep during meetings."

Sign - Halt manager crossing

'The staff is being reduced. The exit strategy will be explained at a meeting to be held, after work, in the parking lot.'

"I hate performance review season."

'I guess every team needs a creative renegade.'